8.22.2009

Pregnancy


Heccccckkkkkkkkkkkk naw I aint pregnant folks!!! In 10 years, inquire, until then, inspire. LoL! jkjkjk. 

So, of all days to pick to watch all of my 16 & Pregnant recordings (haha, all 6 eppys, including the finale and Life after Labor)… I pick the day I feel most lonely. Well, I can't really say I'm lonely, I'm just alone, haha. “Lonely” implies that I do not like (or love for this matter) the person that I am with, and since I love myself (in a very confident and non-narcissistic way of course) I will admit, I am simply alone, and not lonely. Since today is my day off. J....
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Well, now that I’ve tossed the disclaimer out there, I’ll go ahead and proceed with my normal thought provoking blog (as if). J Continuing from my earlier claim of watching 16 & Pregnant, I’ve become completely overwhelmed with emotions. Hhhhyeah? Anyone ELSE get that sudden urge of letting a flippin waterfall rain on down your cheeks? First off, these are young girls, I say girls, because they are still in high school. Such pretty ones, all different shapes, sizes, relationships, backgrounds blah blah. You get the picture. So I’m sitting here and the first thing I think when I watch this show is – “damn, WHATTA life”. One girl sacrificed graduating and joining the Navy for her child. Another girl decided to take on her mommyhood as a single mother (what guts). The most courageous of them all (in my opinion of course) actually gave gave her child a better life through adoption (and to a very wonderful Christian couple who had been trying to have babies for so long). I hate the whole “gave up for adoption” way of phrasing the practice, because there are actually some young teens out there (I’ve come to realize through this show) who realize, they can’t provide, and want to give their child a better life by allowing another couple, a set of “ready-to-be-parents” who are willing to provide full fledged for a child. Amen, and praise the Lord for adhering to wisdom at such a young age. ....
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With each and every episode I have to admit I’ve done a little bit of judging. Of course, MTV just loves ruining people’s lives through the extensive use of “reality tv” shows that illustrate and exaggerate just how bratty, egotistical, sassy and promiscuous people are. Haha. It’s very funny, lol. One girl (Ebony) remained to be a totally strong woman, as she dealt with the difficulty of getting her boyfriend to grow up. Another girl (Maci) actually went through extreme relationship havoc after her son was born, and damn I just wanted to punch her boyfriend in the face for being super unsupportive (that heffa). Then there’s Catelynn and Tyler, my favorite couple… for why? Perhaps because Tyler was super supportive of Catelynn and he had such an endearing relationship (or so, what was “portrayed” in the show). Anyway, aside from all this, I’m sure the point of MTV portraying these up and coming ladies, soon to be women (with child) was to show that there is a side dish of an extensive and exuberant amount of growth that comes with the entrĂ©e of having a child. ....
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So all the while I’m watching these young girls have children, I think of all the women in this world who can’t have children, and who have been trying for years. Suffice it to say, I’ve known quite a few women in my time who have been unable to have children years and years after they’re blessed marriages have begun, and I sometimes get to thinking about the irony in this world. A throbbing heart deep in my chest cries for women who can’t have children while there are young girls at the innocent and pure age of 16 are popping them out by the dozen. It’s to the point that I’ve almost made it a fear of my own that I may be completely barren and unable to ever be with child. LoL. I dunno, this world is weird and cruel, and that may definitely be a possibility. Go figure, at a time in my life where I’m anxious to get married and have children, I stunt my own future happiness with anxiety and mental thoughts of not being able to produce my own little Dessaliciouses – Well, Dessaliciousos.. because I want boys boys boys, and only 1 girl. After growing up with three brothers and witnessing my life as the only girl, I realize that if I had more than one daughter with even half the traits as I do, I’d really flip my whig. Not that I’m at all difficult to deal with, just that, girls have so much more maintenance to deal with, I would love to only have 1… J great, watch the Good Lord spite me and give me like 12 daughters before ever having a son. LoL. Anyhow, the whole tv show just shed light on this world in many aspects, especially the one I’ve just mentioned.....
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Another aspect it begs to point out is the absolute beauty of life. I am a freaken sucker for child birth, I cried when Juno gave birth. I cried my freaken eyeballs out, and what for? Have I completely lost my strength and dignity to hold myself together while amongst the citizens of this nation in dier need of sarcastically witted dramedy’s at the box office? SHEESH. I took health my summer going to 9th grade, I remember it like yesterday. Who taught the class? Mmm, Coach Brooks (applause and cat calls). Yes, every teenage girl’s dream of a health teacher. Masculinely built, a 6’0 piece of brawn with brown hair and captivating eyes, the attitude of a football coach, all about sports, athletes and such, it was hard to learn for some girls at that time. He wasn’t my type, too brawn for me, lol, I see straight through muscles. Anyway, because I had the football coach for health class, we paid no mind to the “miracle of life” when it came to learning that at that young adolescent age. No, we learned about PCP, Gonorrhea, angel dust – basically drugs and sex diseases. Every since then, I’ve always felt like I missed out on that part of my teenage years, lol. Everyone else says they’ve seen the video in health class, and I guess I can thank Coach Brooks for delaying my tears of joy from witnessing the miracle of life. Sheesh.....
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All these thoughts and all these pregnant women around me just make me want to have a baby. Kinda. LoL. Sometimes I wonder how much advantage I’ll take of eating just because I’m pregnant. Hahahahaha, what a FATTY! I wonder how my parents will react when they find out – Cuz they’re the only ones from both sides of the family that aren’t grandparents yet LoL. I wonder how the world will react, LoL! I know the family is just WAITING on some sort of progression in my life since I’ve graduated college, but of course, the wait is always a staggeringly painful time, now isn’t it, Family? (lol) – I do encourage them all to wait patiently – time is OF THE UTMOST ESSENCE, and everything will come to pass in due time. Of course the sound of whaling hungry infants will definitely be heard much longer after the sound of church bells and Pachelbel cannon in D major for moi. Until then, I guess I’ll dream of little MEs, and cherish the moments that I’m still able to have little ME time aside from work and everything else that consumes me.
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The end. J....