3.01.2010

Losing someone

Today, my Aunt lost her husband.

Momz called me and let me know that Aunty Ita's husband, Uncle Nifai, passed away as of this morning. As she tried to laugh under her breath in speaking to me, as she usually does to cover her pain, I could hear the weakness in her voice, as it trembled in telling me that she would be attending the funeral - "I have to go." I feel Mom's pain the way she felt Aunty Ita's pain. No, we cannot necessarily empathize with her - my aunty, my mother's sister - but we definitely feel the pain from her voice. My heart deeply aches for her behind the smile and the jokes I've been cracking all day.

People die daily, I know, but today I realized something. I've lost Gramma Superwoman, I've lost aunts and uncles, cousins... losing someone of blood relation to you is definitely heartbreaking... I wouldn't want to experience losing any family member dear and true to my heart, because I've felt the pain before, and it's not pleasant...

But just think... just imagine... to lose the love of your life, to lose the person you are bound to entirely by some element of the universe unrecognizable by the naked eye just completely leaves me at a loss for words. I think about it all the time... how can you care for someone so much? Someone that has no relation to you - a complete stranger in this universe until you connect with them, deeply, connect to their soul, to their inner self, to their being, their existence... and then one day, they just aren't here anymore... that pain felt, that anguish and inner struggle to move on or to stay faithful and true to the love of your life, I would never wish that pain on anyone. What type of pain is that? To have a void that will leave you completely empty of your soulmate's touch, their breath, their hug, their voice...

As I type in tears my heart goes out to my aunty. Although I have no significant other as of now to even feel remotely close to the pain that she does *ahem* lol, I can't imagine it'd be anything too far from brokenness... helplessness... emptiness... *sigh*

I love you, Aunty, and I am praying for your healing... because I would never wish that pain on anyone in this world - but know one day, if the Lord wills it, it just may come for me also, and I will want my nieces to pray for MY healing.

I love you. Be strong.

**If you were tagged, it was simply because I wanted to share this with you. I'm fine, really I am, I'm emotionally stable about all of this, I just wanted to bring this up because maybe you never thought about it before, maybe you feel the same, maybe you don't care, lol. :) Anyhow, no responses needed, I simply wanted to share. God bless you, and thank you for reading.