3.05.2010

I hate you.

I hate you,  because even though it's been 5 months since I left you I can't get you out of my thoughts. Yes, I tried over and over to tell myself that I am over the fact that we are done, but I guess I'm not. And even though I left you, you never left, my mind. See, although I left you, I didn't have to, but I wanted to, I needed to, and that's a tough decision to make because I loved you, and we all know love is blind, mistakes what is yours that used to be mine, my heart.... My heart used to be mine, but I've been so jacked up and fxcked up with you that it, I no longer can find. Plucked it out of my flesh pumping chest to hand to you, I GAVE it to you to keep, to hold, a precious diamond I used to fxckin be, remember?! I used to BE a diamond... yet I gave myself away yet again to the hands of a boy that carelessly dropped me into the dirt, hurt, and cold, I'm no longer a precious luxury of natures beauty, my smile doesn't shine as bright as the sun used to gleam, it doesn't shine and glisten like the crescent moons reflection in the streams of tears of joy I used to cry, it doesn't shine like it used to... and though I sit here and gas myself up, my inner being rumbles and fights against my soul because I MUST move on for the life of me, yet my flesh wants to stay and cry a while. How can my soul be 10 days ahead of my flesh, my spirit is willing but my flesh is weak, Lord save me from myself there's so much to speak yet my hand covers my mouth to protect you, why? Why protect, YOU? You don't deserve the life of me from what happened those 2 days of my 3 years with you, but I'd still give it to you. Why? I don't fxckin know, and for that reason... I hate you.