9.26.2013

9.23.2013

8 Monthssss

Welp, yet another month of marriage and many more lessons learned.

1. Compromise. This is the true language of marriage. That and bickering. But at least bickering with your best friend is fun.

2. Silence. This is the most deafening sound ever in marriage. When there is no communication or interaction, it's paralyzing. There is no growth with silence. At least this early on the marriage there isn't.

3. The word NEED is needed. I grew up very independent, thank you Mom and Dad. It was always a part of my life to not depend on anyone. That was modeled by my mother, and so of course, as history and experience would have it, I did the same. I did not need anyone and grew thinking I never needed anyone to do anything for me. I still have strong thoughts about that, but that mindset does not work in a marriage. Why? Because as a couple you need each other. A couple does not exist without two people. If you didn't need anyone, you might as well be (or stay) single.

Anyhow, as nobody else knows but my Hubbs, I am incredibly overwhelmed with this season in life. I work, go to school, and have a "2nd" job that doesn't pay anything but fulfillment and satisfaction of purpose driven work. This of course started to reverse the roles in my home. I am the hardworking "man" of the house while the Boo has been at home as the "homemaker". This has been an insightful experience for both of us to be able to experience what both roles are like, ones that we are unfamiliar with. Chris has been tending the home in many ways, doing laundry, cleaning dishes, scrubbing toilets, and showers, putting up curtains, vacuuming and cooking all meals. However, last week I had a break down when I walked into the house after class around 11pm and the house wasn't in order. In this moment I saw myself becoming my mother, except I reacted differently. Where my mother reacted with  monstrous voices of anger, I stood quiet, and silent. I went to bed, in a manner that absolutely hate doing - I went to bed upset. That's a sin. You're not supposed to go to bed upset or angry, that's what it says in God's word -- Ephesians 4:25 says in your anger do not sin; do not let the sun go down while you are still angry. Technically the sun was already down, but that's not the point. I went to sleep upset, and woke up livid as we missed the alarm which made me late to work (in San Diego). I drove the entire 90 miles with intent of being silent the entire way. No speaking. No initiating communication. Nothing. Zilch. Niente. Let's just say the drive felt like 4 hours. No conversation was carried until lunch time. Finally throughout the day I came home to a meal prepared by the Hubs and then I was able to speak.

I've definitely learned that my approach on things isn't always the best... especially when talking to Chris. I'm not fair, I'm mean, I'm rude, and I'm so condescending. All habits of a strong and independent woman for so long. Well that has been changing and I was able to implement that at this particular moment. I broke down and just cried to my husband telling him how much my mental capacity had already been filled with so many things concerning school and work. I gave him the image of my cup... and how the liquid was already spilling over with the many things I had going on. Home, with him, is my peace. It's my tranquility. It's the only constant in my life that I have right now. Work will soon wither away, school will be done after July, all these things will eventually come and go and the only thing that will ever stay constant now, in my life, is him and our home. And by home I mean, the place in which we both are together. Home is everywhere he and I are together - the car, the bedroom, the sidewalk we walk to check the mail together, aisle 11 at Walmart when we buy toilet paper. When I came home that night, my cup broke... I felt that I needed to add on yet another task on my to do list - keep my home in order. That was a hard reality for me, and I had to talk to my husband concerning my thoughts and what I NEEDED him to do for me... that I NEEDED him in my life to help me manage the liquid in this cup overflowing with my life. We bickered. A lot. It was expected. I wanted to compromise. Thursday night was football night and I wanted to just not expect anything from him that night - dinner, a clean home, etc. He wasn't having it. I told him how much I needed him in my life, and how much he was my peace and comfort after a day's hard work at school and at work. It wasn't as difficult as I thought it would be to talk about it. And there I found myself streaming tears from the depths of my soul, telling this man that I needed him in my life, for the constant in my life. For the order that is required in ONE and only one area in my life that he could control. It was a beautiful conversation. One that I will never forget. One that I am grateful for. One that I needed.

Month 8 has created another strand of strength in marriage. We are not easily broken. The strands added on with every month, and even day, are making us more and more victorious. God is good.

Outties (like belly buttons),
Mrs. Muli

9.16.2013

Hello Week 3

Seriously, how am I even surviving right now? I am all over the place mentally and still somehow thoroughly able to function in each setting. Jesus juice is so real, I don't know how else I am able to stand let alone breathe regularly. Incredibly blessed, and humbled.


Humbled and blessed.
Yes.

Out...
-Mrs.Muli

9.10.2013

A Woman's Checklist - Updated from 2009.

I first blogged this on June 22, 2009. Today is September 10, 2013... I just wanted to do a mental check of where I am now, 4 years later... ;) 
[*** written June 22, 2009 ***
No this is NOT Maya Aneglou's best poem ever, she didn't even write this poem as a matter of fact. It was written by Pamela Redmond Satan. LoL. Although this isn't really the OFFICIAL checklist of things a woman should have, I do concur with some of these things. ;) Let's see how many checks I get at the end LoL.]

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE   ....
enough money within her control to move out
and rent a place of her own,
even if she never wants to or needs to... 

[no check. I def don't have that type of money yet. LoL!]
This is quite humorous to me because just last month, I had this. However, I'm not renting on my own since I'm married. The Hubster and I successfully moved out, purchased furniture debt-free, and are now living in our own apartment. This was a CHECK last month. This month, it's a different story LOL.

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE  .... .
something perfect to wear if the employer,
or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour...
[no check... oh wait, you mean the freakum dress? i got that! hahaha. CHECK!]
Assuming I'm at home, check. Considering I have the man of my dreams? DOUBLE CHECK.

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE   ......
a youth she's content to leave behind....
[check. I'm VERY content leaving my legacy behind. lmbo. ok ok, not really a legacy, but I'm content leaving my youthful days behind]
Check. Still satisfied.

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...  ...
a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to
retelling it in her old age.... 
[half check. I don't necessarily agree with this, however, I do think one should be able to tell a good life story]
LOL I still don't agree, but I've had a few juicy moments in my young adult life ;) CHECK

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE . ...........
a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra...
[check. no check. and check check check. LoL. up on game! - mostly lol]
Check (although they're not mine), check again (still not mine), and uncheck (I hate bras) although I will say that I have a leopard print one, and leopard is pretty much the equivalent of lace.

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .... ..
one friend who always makes her laugh... and one who lets her cry...
[check and check. defeinitely have a lot of those]
Check. It's wonderful having both in one. My husband,

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..  ....
a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her
family...
[check. With a FATTY bill that needs to be paid. LoL!]
4 years later, all the furniture I had in 2009 has been paid off and is now the "furniture previously owned by a family member" sitting in my Mom, Uncle, and Brother's house. I now own all of my furniture, paid in full at purchase. God is so good! CHECK.

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..  ...  .
eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal
that will make her guests feel honoured...
[no check. Since I've only lived with 3 other people, I've only had the 4 ppl sets. haha. but I'll gett to workin on that.]
This is funny too. Because my Husby and I live alone, we've only shopped for 4-6 place settings. In due time I know we will move up to an 8-place-setting life, however, we are functioning with a 6-seater table, with only 2 seats occupied during dinner time. The other 4 seats are either collecting dust, or serving as a shelf for my school books and class materials. So, UNCHECK.

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .  .... .
a feeling of control over her destiny...
[check. I was born with that feeling.]
Double check. I concur with my 2009 answer.

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW..  ..... .
how to fall in love without losing herself.
[no check. I'm a wreck. HA! LoL. It's all good, I'm gettin' back!]
Hmmm, considering I've gained roughly 15lbs since I got married (8 months ago) I'll uncheck this LOL.

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... ........
how to quit a job,
break up with a lover,
and confront a friend without;
ruining the friendship...
[check. check. and super check. I got skillz man!]
Check, DOUBLE CHECK, and CHECKETY CHECK.

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW.  .....
when to try harder... and WHEN TO WALK AWAY...
[check. Yes Lord, thank you for that wisdom I always asked for!]
Check. And check. Wisdom is still important to me 4 years later.

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW.  ..... ..
that she can't change the length of her calves,
the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents..
[check. I'm content with the way I look, and if ever I am not, I will do something about it. :) and Momz and Pops? I wouldn't change their nature for the world]
My answer in 2009 makes me smile. I remember growing into loving my body in 2009, because I had gained so much weight and was so incredibly over trying to please everyone else about the way I looked. I was happy, and I still am today. CHECK.

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW.. ........
that her childhood may not have been perfect...but it's over...
[check. LoL!!!]
Haha, yes, check.

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW. ...........
what she would and wouldn't do for love or more...
[no check. still getting there. LoL.]
CHECK. I'm well within my views of the world to not go to certain places anymore. 

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW.. ...
how to live alone... even if she doesn't like it...
[check. I know how to, and honestly, I like it. :) but I enjoy the company too.]
2010 was my year of solitude (unbeknownst to me at the time of blogging this). I didn't live alone, but I did many of things alone, go to megachurch services alone, eat at restaurants alone, shop alone, etc, etc. I have never felt so much spiritual growth in my life. All of this alone time made me value myself so much more. It confirmed how confident I was in my self. It allowed me to build upon my own strengths, courage, and esteem. It was a wonderful year of silence, solitude, and change. CHECK.

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW..  .....
whom she can trust,
whom she can't,
and why she shouldn't take it personally...
[check. I've learned the hard way on several occasions, but I cannot control people's mouths or opinions, and I will never try.]
Yep. Check.EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... ....
where to go...
be it to her best friend's kitchen table...
or a charming inn in the woods....
when her soul needs soothing...
[no check... yet. Still trying to figure that out, since most of my soul healing begins within me.]
Dinner with my husband... at my own kitchen table. Oh... and manicure/pedicure chairs hehe. CHECK.


EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... ....
what she can and can't accomplish in a day...
a month...and a year...
[half check. I think I have a good estimate of time in that sense. lol]
Sometimes I think I'm superwoman! Half check... still grasping this.