I've always been an avid writer. I enjoy writing, more than I like reading, and probably more than I like talking. I think this is a result of my silent days of depression, because I did go through those phases quite a few times in my day. Growing up as the only girl with a mother like mine, with three brothers that very similar to her, and an absent father that normally stood in my defense for anything. In essence I found myself quite lonely growing up because I did not have a very healthy relationship with my mother, my father was only present on the weekends, and for only a certain amount of time, and having three brothers that all had concerted efforts to make me cry led me to continuously be on my own. I was different from them anyway. They had no fear of my parents, I don't know why, my mama was CRAY CRAY! She still is, but thankfully she has found the Lord and is less cray cray, but cray cray nonetheless.
Anyhow, I began writing, poetry specifically, back in my younger days of suicidal ideation. Yeah yeah, I went through it, but it was not that serious. My attempt at saying is that is not to desensitize it, but to... well okay, it was a serious matter, but thankfully nothing happened. I never attempted suicide. Why? I would think of how my friends would react, I would think of pissing off my family, and I would think of how the dishes would stack up in my absence... that all ultimately led me to take out frustration and so forth to the pen and paper. I mean, the dishes had to be done, no doubt about it! Eventually I acquired the ability to release my emotions in a positive manner that was all done to my benefit. That skill that I learned early on in my life was very relieving for me, even if I was 12 years old, I was able to SAY how upset I was, without lashing out... and still get the dishes done - like a BAWSS.
In essence what I want to share is how writing has served a greater purpose than just allowing me to speak negativity in a positive way. That sounds paradoxical, but it's absolutely possible. Writing about specific emotions for me has always held an element of peace that failed me whenever I spoke about specific emotions. It's a gift from God that I am given words. I am so thankful.
I hope that today goes smoothly. I have more to update my blog with, and I am only finding my reason to come back to my blog as a result of reading Iva's blog. Thank the heavens for that woman! My blog posts are all sporadic and so forth, but as I am changing as a person I really should take the time to write about it. I have found the MOST comfort in reading blogs from my past and recognizing my growth. It's very rewarding!
Welp, I need to get ready to my commute.
Mrs. New Muli.