Miss 957

Fw:

2011-04-14T09:27:00.001-07:00

------ MMS ------
From: +15103882113/TYPE=PLMN
Received: Apr 14, 2011 9:22 AM

Perfect... You already know.
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Good days and great days

2011-03-11T15:29:00.001-08:00

There is no such thing as a bad day.

Dessarinas 2011 Goals

2011-01-31T22:19:00.000-08:00

1. Make dental appointment
2. Remove wisdom teeth
3. Go fishing
4. Try new restaurant
5. Make Pap appointment
6. Get blood work done
7. Visit New York
8. Visit the Bay for leisure
9. Tithe taxes
10. Tithe monthly
11.Apply for graduate school APU
12. Grow out hair
13. Write a new song
14. Buy a UCSD sweater for Chris
15. Watch a South Salem Saxon game
16. Meet a Lady Saxon
17. Go Wine Tasting in Temecula and Oregon
18. Make a blanket
19. Lose 15lbs by June
20. Score a Try
21. Be accepted to APU
22. Begin Graduate School in Fall
23. Visit Gramma with Chris
24. Visit Chris' parents
25. Make a trip to Lak Taho
26. Buy new Nike Frees
28. Donate blood 3 times
29. Spend Thanksgiving in San Diego (if no family in Barstow)
30. Christmas gifts for the family
31. Attend a West Point Football Game
32. Send Jonas a care package for finals.
33. Pass Abnormal Pysch Class with an A
34. Run a 5k with Jules
35. Take bestie pics with Rox and Jules
36. Get hair highlighted
37. Attend a concert of a new artist.
38. Dine at 6 top o the line restaurants in San Diego
39. Go camping.

TBC

2011-01-03T13:01:00.001-08:00

You are my everything. (Via myKing)

Nov. 20. 2009

2010-12-06T10:02:00.000-08:00

Nothing provides evidence of growth more than a blog written a year and some change ago like this one... I absolutely LOVE myself today for keeping record of my emotions back then. God has been too good to me, life is TOO amazing right now. I am undeserving of it, but some how, I understand, that God was definitely watching over me and listening to my cries in the middle of the night. God is good. Amen. I wrote this blog Nov. 20. 09. Please read...

-------------------

Dear Reader,

My urge to pry and cry only seems to be suitable for a moment. This path I'm on, is one I have yet to travel for a long time, and though I have found myself halting often abruptly, I am always met with an induced smile from some element of a happiness I have not known for so long. Those other paths before now, I chose them, why? Maybe because I had so much in store to offer, along the road trip. Perhaps at that time I did not feel like blistering my own bare feet during travel would suffice for a mind that always thought for two. Now I find myself not welcoming any company to saunter this path into an unknown destination - not because they are simply not welcome, more so because I've traveled so long NOT being alone -- through this alone time I am learning more and more to love myself, something I haven't done in a LONG time. I have now taken the hand of the little girl that has lived within me and has been neglected for so long and have begun nurturing her for lack thereof in the past. My haiku to her...

I am sorry,

Beyond the depths of a black hole of sorrow.

Please forgive me, I beg.

Though the path gets dusty, and I must flap away the dust myself with my small hands, I realize, my hands aren't that small, and my arms have gotten stronger at flapping it away since I've been on my own. Yes, the sun still shines treacherously onto my forehead, and though a drop of sweat rolls down my forehead, I still have my own sweat rag -- drenched not from sweat but the salty tears I have wept while on this path the first few hundred miles on my own, because unlike the way I presented it to be, it WAS and still IS a struggle, only now it has become a lighter one -- to wipe my brow before it ends up stinging my eyes.

This path isn't too bad, although it has been taking some time to adjust... but I have supporters, folks rooting me on from behind, and though my back may face many others that I can't necessarily deem "supporters" -- perhaps they are "spectators"? -- I pray and hope they will realize that I am doing this on my own, and looking forward and not back, NOT to turn my back on any of them, but to forcefully make myself accept that, what is in the past is definitely behind me - my love and care stays the same if it hasn't already grown of course... please, support me with the same love and care and allow me to venture into my future with your continual support.

Humbly yours,

Dessarina

EJECT - (Original)

2010-10-12T11:44:00.000-07:00

I've been trying to get this original on youtube for a LONG LONG LONGGGGGG time...

Finally, I bit the bullet, of course after 8 million tries!!! Finally fed up with take after take, I decided to just post this lol :)

____ season is in progress...

2010-09-13T01:17:00.001-07:00

And so it begins... ;)

The Power of a Woman...

2010-09-08T15:41:00.000-07:00

In the mist of the pouring rain

All molecular misfits of the atmosphere are purified
Like all the hurt and pains of life strains
Are removed from the body of a beautiful woman
Through every tear held back that she don’t cry

Your eyes like heaven’s windowpane
With the strength of an athlete
With a touch so gently
Brought mighty mighty Hercules to his knees

God told Adams no
Eve made him say; yes, yes
Her smell so sweet
Her body waves so unique
Makes a man complete
Surely I’ll eat for just one more taste of your nectar

Goal Check

2010-09-01T08:23:00.000-07:00

1. Schedule eye exam appt for new glasses (since mom semi-broke my last ones) <-- CHECK!
2. Schedule dental appt <-- CHECK!!!
3. Schedule check up <-- CHECK!!!
4. Visit with Counselor or Psych dept on campus <-- NAW
5. Take courses through online enrollment to enrich writing <-- STILL NO
6. 30lbs by end of March <--- FAIL
7. Coordinate 1 on 1 with Bonnie and recruiter<-- FAIL
8. Seek another job with civil services, developmental position with counseling <-- NOT QUITE
9. Refine search for graduate school with counseling <-- YUP!
10. Join Vavi league for kickball and softball <-- JOINED RUGBY INSTEAD
11. BIBLE IN A YEAR!!! <-- WISHFUL THINKING
12. Memorize the book of James <-- FORGOT ABOUT THIS ONE :(
13. Enroll in counseling classes at JC (online if possible) <-- PSYCH 101
14. Trip to Kentucky to visit Rox <-- YAY!
15. Donate clothes to charity <-- STILL TIME!
16. Youtube a new original song (dammit, I'm tired of the bookie boo request lolol, ok jk, but not, but yeah, ) but not, okay i'm done) <--- REWIIIIND
17. Gym pass at 24 hr fitness <-- FOR THE WIN!
18. Cut up credit cards -- STOP RACKIN' UP DEBT! smh <--- YUP, YUP, YUUUUP
19. Get new tires for the car <-- NEXT MONTH
20. Get car tuned up <--- SOON?!
21. Make trip to the Bay for leisure <-- NOVEMBER
22. Try a new restaurant - Jamaican <-- ONAMIS instead
23. Vegas for Rugby 7s and birthday February <-- hoooyeesssss
24. Tune up resume by end of January to seek new job. <-- not quite
25. Fast every 1st week of the month <-- nope
26. TITHE. ALWAYS. Even if it's not 10%. TITHE. The church needs every finance - A NEW BUILDING IS IN PROGRESS! God makes all things possible <-- not completely every month
27. Finish New Moon <-- hahaha sooo suck
28. Put Taxes towards debt. TITHE 10% <-- yes.
29. Visit Samoa for a week <-- :(
30. New dish for Thanksgiving Meal <-- maybe mashed potatoes?
31. Every1 a gift <-- thinkin about it!
32. Budget $100 per week for meals <-- getting better
33. SAVE $100 a month <-- faaaaail
34. Join Bible Study at the Rock <-- fail
35. Sign up for Rec Classes at 24Hr or Grossmont <-- NOT WITH MY GYM PASS :)
36. Home once every other month <-- MORE OR LESS
37. STOP CUSSING <-- NO BUENO :(
38. GROW OUT HAIR <-- SINCE FEBRUARY!
39. Nose pierced? Mmm, I'll think about it <-- STRAIGHTTT
40. Beginners piano to learn piano by ear <-- still no :(
41. New uke chords! :) <-- yessss! Halo, Dear Life,

Rugbizzle

2010-08-18T11:55:00.000-07:00

*Blows whistle* BRRRRRRRRRBBBBBB!!!! Diva on the field!

So, not too long ago I decided that I'd get into the gym and start working out. After only losing a good 10lbs I realized that my own motivation sometimes isn't motivation enough. After a while, I started working out with a workout buddy, she kept me motivated, but what happens, when even she loses motivation? I did also. Upon trying to figure out how I am going to lose 30lbs by October (this was in January) I decided maybe I should take up a sport, but what sport? Ugh, I haven't played an organized sport in almost a decade!

One day I was on Facebook (as if that doesn't happen EVERY day) and I read my girlfriend's status update that she would be trying something new... RUGBY! My eyes grew wide, what the hell? Nini doing rugby?! With TALO?! The heavens opened, and doves began to fly around, singing in unison with heaven's angels. YAY!!!! "I wanna come too!!!!" I commented, and the rest is history!

I attended a few practice during the spring season which is considered the off season. Basically, this is the time where new people come out to try out the sport and figure out if they like it or not and continue attending practice. After the first rugby practicing practically kicking me in the arse of unbelieveablity, I decided, hey, I'm gonna go all the way. The girls and I made slow adjustments, attending practices, wearing shorter shorts, then long socks, then purchasing cleats and spandex <-- LOL.

Finally, after a 3rd week of practice, Talo and I attended our first rugby match in Vegas... boy that was fun haha. Although I pretty much died half way, it was pretty fun and interesting, not that the official hand pointed me out as the rookie on the field, GAH!!!! LOL

Anyhow, venturing off into the new field abyss of rugby has definitely kept me on my toes. As stated before, it's been quite a while since I've been involved in an organized sport like so. I did kickball last year, that was super fun, but even now, rugby is so much more intense.

I feel myself growing more and more. I know I'm only a rookie, but my competitiveness is growing from within, and before I knew it, I'm emailing the team for fitness workouts because I am DYYYYING in rugby. Well, not really dying, but I want to be as fit as the other girls. Right now, Coach has me in the front row of the scrum, but I want to be a runner really... I know I don't run now as it is, but I want that to change, so I am def going to try and improve that part of my game. I know it's good to hit hard, but I want to be FASSSST! Like the speed of light (LOL).

I've been doing a lot better in tackling. There are 2 vets that are the biggest girls on the team, and last night I was paired up to tackle both of them. At first I was afraid... I was petrified, to think that I could ... ERRR... sorry got carried away there LOL. But at first I was definitely intimidated, but I want to challenge myself with them with every practice, if they're the biggest girls on the team, chances are, going head up with them, will make everything easier later, when in the game.

At first I thought that I only wanted to train and do fitness with the rugby team, but after each practice, I feel like I'm improving thus generating juice to want to actually play. I dunno, we'll definitely see :)

Signing off. Rajah that!

Gallaghers w/the Girls

2010-08-06T02:39:00.001-07:00

So, to get rif of the jitter bugs I decide to take pics on my ever so lovely blackberry :) had a greeeeat show tonight!

Wear white... to a wedding

2010-08-05T15:07:00.000-07:00

So, I am attending a wedding on August 21st, of which we MUST wear an all white attire....

Strange? Odd? Peculiar? I thought the same thing, I'd never wear white to a wedding, it's absolutely absurd to me, but as my follower said, "to each its own". Now that I have been commanded to wear white to this wedding (thank God I'm tan year-round) I am forced to find a dress that not only accentuate my skin tone slightly, but also keeps me looking thin (which is virtually impossible because we all know black slims and white... does not slim smh).

I'm still wondering what type of dress I will be wearing, but SHOES? OMG, I bout died when I saw this... my desk has a puddle of drool on it.

Domesticated Diva

2010-08-04T15:48:00.000-07:00

A diva should always know how to master domestication in the kitchen ;) Fresh stir fry with tofu. Uber yumdumdelicious!

Slowly

2010-07-27T00:35:00.001-07:00

I'm beginning to sleep in the center of my bed... As opposed to always sleeping on the left side only.

This is important to know because that means I'm closing off my life to someone who could potentially take up the right side of my bed. Suddenly the center of the bed feels comfortable to me.

Sigh. Well?... Well.

Gnite,
Dess
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Diva at the Beach

2010-07-24T15:32:00.000-07:00

I don't swim when I go to the beach. Most of my time is spent on a blanket, enjoying the breeze, playing my ukulele, and making every attempt to keep the sun out of my eyes with a cheap pair of sunglasses I bought in Hawaii and a very SNAZZY (if I do say so myself) fedora hat I purchased from The Closet ;)

I've had that cheetah blanket for years, since '04, my freshmen year in college. Mimi called me a Diva as I fola'd my blanket out... I could only sit and laugh, and take a quick pic hehe. Say HAYYYY!

Something old...

2010-07-23T15:07:00.001-07:00

Deep into my mind I wrestle, like Jacob and God on the platform of rich soil at night - I fight - I am she and it's She versus Her. She can speak volumes that reaches God's front porch, mocked and scorned by a spectator that with his gavel has already adjourned on the preconceived notion that She is... "different".
People see me and think SHE. She is different. She, talks “white”… sounds nerdy and smells weird, and is sometimes odd and particular with what she says. She, is “tainted”… kissed and smothered by the sun’s rays, scorched lands of the Sahara desert would seem fitting for her origin. She, is lacking - in athletic talents that have been strongly exemplified through all 3 of her brothers, the apple does not fall too far from the tree, yet She was thrown to the waste side. She is of an unknown aesthetic make up, uncommonly identified by naive minds who are without knowledge of her kind. Are you mixed, with black? They commonly ask. She thanks them for the compliment, but no, she is not Black, Puerto Rican, Indian, Mexican, Pnay or any of the above. She is Samoan - or is she not?
She is cut and bleeds red and white stripes, navy blue and white stars - and only the tail feathers of a bald eagle. Though she has the blood of her ancestors that reigned the Navigation Islands she is bred AMERICAN SAMOAN and is plagued with the disease of being, plastic - and because of this, she fights. She did not choose to be conceived in the mainland, yet she is grateful for parents that sought the American Dream . This double edged sword of raising children in the mainland results in a child with better opportunity, yet lacking so much in enrichment in their true culture. She doesn’t fully understand the fa’alavelave. Perplexed in the mind, she questions the exchange of monetary gifts she helped present. She cannot sulu an i’e. Fe’aus await her hands for service yet they are too busy trying to keep her lavalava from falling. She cannot read the Tusi Paia without a snicker or snare and I'm not talking candy and drums. Trembling lips fail to pronounce the long "A" on tam'a - she turned Father into a boy - and she is pierced with the glare of an elder woman that questions, "You don't know Samoan?". The language of her ancestors. She hangs her head low and she replies with a faint "no".
She vs HER.
She wishes she were Her, the Teine Samoa who was raised with the birthright of her sisters bred from the fresh soils of an island paradise. Her who is able to carry the si'i and bow at the right time and angle to present a love offering to God's chosen messenger. Her who can grace the stage with an awe-struck presence of purity and beauty to represent her aiga with the headpiece of a princess and the title, Taupou. Her who can communicate with without tugging on her mother's i'e for a translation. She struggles to be her.
I am She, and She is me, but I so long to be Her.
I've wished on every star in the sky to be pleasantly presented in the eyes of my people, yet my lack of confidence and eagerness to portray only finds me disappointed and flustered with the outcome. I'm not without knowledge of my kind, I'm just born into the new age generation of being American Samoan. I am not as strong physically as the teines and tamas that labor in the simplicity of life of the cultivated fields in Samoa. Yet I am strong mentally like those that refused to labor at the commands of the Germans during the colonization of Samoa. I am not talented with the athleticism to carry a winning team to the 'ship of a volleyball match or a football game. Yet, I have sophisticated my talent to write that can carry minds far beyond the courts of our Maker. I realize that, as She fights to be her, I bruise the essence of one… and that is Me.

June already?

2010-06-07T03:02:00.000-07:00

Gosh diggity dizzam damn time flies by so quickly! I swear it was February and I was partying all month because of my birthday hoooorayyy.

Let's see, updates? Lets proceed...

As of late I've been craving to back to school. Apparently I'm still in student-mode as I type random information about my life at 2:46am in the morning like I don't have work to be at by 9:30am tomorrow morning. I'm still thinking and pondering on this Marriage and Family Therapy program that I've weeded out and have found that I have a passion for. I really want to get into Azusa Pacific, however, I made a bad impression on my close connect when I completely FORGOT about my meeting with her. Bleh, I feel bad but unfortunately the visit wouldn't have really done anything for me at the time being, I was still missing 2 pre-reqs and was in the middle of a semester so I would have had to hold off on applying anyway. Any information she gave me could have been easily obtained via the APU website. I'll just leave that in God's hands. I signed up for the class at San Diego City College - and wtheeze man, #18 on the wait list?! You gotttta be kiddin me! Seriously? Bleh, just a minor stumbling block, so I've been waiting patiently to be bumped up on the priority list for Psych 101. I'm really anxious and excited to take the class. I haven't been in school since June of '08 which officially marks 2 years this month... MUST. LEARN. NOWWW.

Family life is going well. I've finally dropped some lbs thank the GOOD LORD, MIRACLES DO HAPPEN! I got hooked up via Del for a family/friend membership at 24 hour fitness and I've been attending classes regularly for a good 2 hrs for a good 3 weeks now :D I'm now in the habit of working out. Shoutout to my sister Ritha for being so kind as to accompany me on all my workouts. She actually keeps me accountable bc when I ask her she's always down to go. I kinda am the juice, she's the wheels. We're a great team and we're dying to looks crazy, sexy, cool by the end of the year so this work out will in due time pay off :D gotta endure for now, delayed gratification is better than instant satisfaction yezzir!

Oh by the way I picked up a new sport - haha yeeeeah, rugbyyyy! Lets just say the sport is as intense as the rugby players make it, only they're a lot more fit than I am so it's like super hard time ten thousand for me. The training is intensive and I LOVE IT! I push myself a little more each time just to get better. We've been off since the end of April and here I am, in June -- it starts back up! But I won't be able to attend practice for a couple of weeks why?... well my next paragraph... :D

I'm going to hawaiiiiiii on thursday! YEZZIR! This is an exciting adventure that I am so anxiously hoping to embark on! I haven't been to Hawaii since I was four, and that was definitely 20 years ago LOL! I'm so juiced, I'll be there from the 10th to the 21st. :) I'll be staying with my cousin ShawnDelle and her husband and 2 sons for a week. My brother's and I bought Pops a ticket to fly out on the 17th for his birthday/father's day gift so I'll be staying with him and Mama (cuz she flies out that day or on Friday) as well and will be under the care of my parental units - hoooyesss!) So excited, I've already started packing. :D

Well, that's all the updates I have as of now. It is now 3am and I shall not bring this blog to a close.

Goodnight bloggsters. :D

He loves me...

2010-05-03T02:50:00.000-07:00

Even when I fall beneath his will... he loves me.

When my broken heart just wont keep still... he loves me.

Even though he knew sometimes I fall, yet and still my name He called, he loves me...

Jesus, I'm so grateful for your love.

His love is what I need more than any "he" I've ever known. Getting my head on right. Making sure that I'm not biting the bait, no matter how delicious and tempting it looks... don't bite, Dess.

I had a great day today. Repair man fixed my bed. I had sushi with Talo and Bea. Bookstore craze got me to pick up two books. Intimate Conversation is my first devotional book I decided to begin. God is with me, always, and I need to be aware of that.

Time for bed. Adieu world.

I am a diamond

2010-05-03T01:36:00.001-07:00

***Soooo, I wrote this years ago during my anti-boy phase after a tragic breakup between my 1st boyfriend and I. It's funny how I look back to this and think to myself, REALLY Dess? You were so vain, ugh. I almost up-chucked a few times, reading this, bc I feel quite embarrassed that I even wrote such things. Parts were borrowed from a random female's myspace page... oh, that would explain why I'm so embarrassed... myspace. LOL. Anyhow, enjoy this for what it's worth, parts of it speak truths... :)

I am a diamond

NEVER to be played with by ~~anyone~~. Fragile yet complex, take a look... just by the glance you'll know that I'm ...the rare jewel... authentic, divine and priceless in value. DIAMOND's are keepers, my ate once said.

I am a diamond

- a sharp, sensitive, out-standing, loveable, nurtured, open-minded young woman. I have goals, I am driven and I have God in my life. My mother tells me I have to be a strong woman... and she's right. diamonds are strong... they were naturally made strong and tough. and thus. so was I - strong at heart because ::God made me to be victorious and so long as I believe in him, I will NOT be ~~defeated~~:: A diamond made strong only by the God she serves. Diamonds emit light when struck from the sun's rays -- that's why they shine so bright. I emit light to my peers, with my joyful sense of humor and my bright outlook on life... just like a diamond...

I am a diamond

Although there are plenty more reasons more to stress and emphasize -- but the most important is this... authentic and precious as they are, diamonds are hard to find... and I will tell you the same. A young diamond like me... is hard to find. I'm part of a dying breed: ambitious, confident, educated, spiritual and respectful... legs closed, mind opened, walk worth seein', words worth hearin'... brace yourself if you ever get the opportunity to chop it up with me. I got an earful of words to share -- elaboration and articulation is my game... my Daddy taught me that.

I am a diamond

A diamond represented as a beautiful, rare, strong and pure individual who is, just as a diamond -- UNBREAKABLE. Agree or disagree if you may, trash or support the words that I say, regardless of any of it... it will still stand that... a young woman like me is hard to find... you sit there and ask...

WHY?

and i reply...

Because they just don't make 'em like me anymore.

I'm a DIAMOND.

Written 12.8.06 - Untitled and unfinished

2010-04-12T02:08:00.001-07:00

Ripped by lies, I fantasized, a heart beating soul, with a no pressure to go with a flow that was kept in my mind, yet I lost it… and hard was it to find…

Broken by words that cursed the very tone deaf nerves, harbored slightly in my ear, until it appeared to have been ever-present to my eyes… I just… didn’t recognize…

Stomped on by what I justified as tough love, a swirling ‘feeling’ that was supposed to have been sent from above, but for a whuuuut? A fleeting form of bliss something that was love?

Smacked in the face with negativity, an unwritten rule of ‘constructive’ activity, that seemed to have plummeted my blood pumping heart with red, but instead… my heart laid on the floor dead.

Ran over by the wheels of impatience, faintly heard in the distance, my cry weakened as you did this, and my voice I turned in to the

Written 4.4.07 - Untitled

2010-04-12T02:06:00.000-07:00

*** I wrote this piece 4/4/2007, after reading over it again, I decided to share it in my blog. I don't think I let anyone read this... and now you can say that you are one of the firsts. Enjoy. ***

i sit back and sat as the sand ran down, the everlasting impression of time, an hour glass, where the sand fell so fast, not to even notice the shine of the glass, glares reflectant from the sun that rose this morning, as the shades of the warm illuminating sun fell on the dawn of day, the creatures that lay, beneath comforters and throws of cotton sorts, laced with pretty fly bows, blocking the air from the cool flow, of breeze that seaps through the window, and sows, at my feet, a tickley feeling waking me up to see, a new morning. last night's mist seemed to have drenched me, as i slept, cuz i woke up and and my head full of sweat, the beat of my heart still races, from the dream that held faces, of the past present and future stages, of life ever yet to come through the phases, another day, another phase what more can a young weakened-yet-i'm-trying-my-best-to-be-who-i've-been-so-i-can-stay-true-to-myself female say, when the day, begins with the stench from yesterday, nonetheless another play, in her memory book to try and reduce the days drama to none, yet the cycle of everlasting i-have-to-do-this-i-have-to-do-that's never seize to have begun, and in a one, word phrase to climb and achieve what seems to be pullin asunder, the very pieces of my being and sanity under, the roots of my foundation – my goods dispersed for the plunder, I pick up the fragile pieces of me, grabbing for the very on embodiment of my being, I strive adamantly for the time with my sis-ters of accountability to feed me word because it says that where there are two or three there you are in the midst of thee, forsake me not, I did not plot, for my life to play the way that it did, with the scorned favor of an unmatched friend, a lifestyle of all I had known to come to an end, only to find the appearance of a new and harmonious one to begin, my life is still in sin, can anyone else compare? He without sin cast your first stone over there. Dare not assemble a weapon against me, none shall prosper with the protection of an army of three – trinity. The stares that look upon me and my life, whether they see the strife, the use of a verbal sword and knife, that still cuts deep into me, from the hollowed out heart that came to be, they still will not seize to think the worst of me, yet I could care less of what is seen, of what is spoken, of what is said, none of it will matter much after I am laid dead, enemy to none I assume they could care, less about a young female presented rare, amongst the vicious cycle and breed of ticks, sucking the littlest bit of representation that we have, to stand as minorities in a world of hav-oc, oppressor and stress-ers, come quickly laid with pressure, to answer the question, where do I stand? On the other side of the white line, where I stand few but proud to be part of the ‘other’ kind, that stands strong, proud and free of the stereotype, female minority I am and can be, without a societal heavy laiden reputation to be a nobody. Sand still runs down the glass, time still to pass, a movement needed to bring my sisters up… with the help of God, we stand ready for the fill of OUR cup.

applause

2010-03-31T15:22:00.000-07:00

Your mouth gushes with the bitter taste of hypocrisy... laced in the prettiest of bows, disguised with with brightest of colors, and sweetened with way too much Splenda. The world can suck the seemingly supple juice that drips from your fruit, but that's a fruit I have never bitten before, nor will I ever bite it in the future. A complete standing ovation, an Oscar is much deserving of this performance. Take a bow, oh awesome one, you have won the masses.

DELETE.

2010-03-16T01:05:00.000-07:00

I need to delete the past 3 years of love songs completely from my memory box... anyone have any suggestions?

Oh, I know!

Get over it.

smh

Adieu world.

Lessons of the healing woman 5

2010-03-12T10:41:00.001-08:00

LESSON #3 OF THE HEALING WOMAN (and MAN) >> Ladies and Gents -- The right person at the wrong time is STILL the wrong person.... Be patient, if it's meant to be, it will be, aint no fightin' fate!

Lessons of the healing woman 4

2010-03-12T08:09:00.003-08:00

Dipped into the Word this morn Joshua 21-22 -- God delivers on his promises (if u obey). LESSON #2 OF THE HEALING WOMAN - Theres only 1 man that will never fail u in his promise. Who? God. This means u sld not feel pain when any1 in ur life fails to fulfill their promise to u, they are expected to do so (bc theyre human). On that note, promises shldn't be made, we all shld be men & women of our word. Blessings folks.

Lessons of the healing woman 3

2010-03-12T08:09:00.001-08:00

LESSON #1a OF THE HEALING WOMAN - NEVER -- NEVER EVER -- forget your value and worth. If you don't know your worth, let this help you figure it out - you are carefully crafted by the hands of God, worth more than precious rubies and gold. If 1 man does NOT treat you like so, trust and believe, there is another 1 MORE than willing.

Lessons of the healing woman 2

2010-03-12T08:08:00.001-08:00

Ahhh patience is the companion of wisdom! LESSON #2 OF THE HEALING WOMAN - A woman should never force fate. Patience allows her to grow faithfully and gracefully, gaining wisdom and insight of what is to come, in timing that is not hers, but His. YAWWWWP!

Lessons of the healing woman 1

2010-03-12T08:07:00.001-08:00

A good friend told me u dont heal over night, take it as a lesson learned and a point earned -- LESSON #1 OF THE HEALING WOMAN - A woman shld never regret a decision made to better her situation, no matter how much her feelings tell her otherwise after the decision has been made. Feelings come and go. Be firm & confident, everything happens for a reason (thx Doris Tulifau inspiring me with "lessons" lol)

we will visit this at a later date for my explanation... :)

3/14 -- Often times as women we find ourselves at a crossroad where we have to make a decision that will completely change our lives one way or another. Often times, these decisions are ones that we find hard to make because they are at times emotionally driven. One decision I particularly made recently (or well a good 6 months ago) was to finally break things off with my significant other. I'll never forget the day I made that choice to finally call things quits. Granted, I myself am a fighter and often do not often quit easily on anything, and on that note, I will profess that this was one thing I did not quit easily on. 3 yrs of heaven and hell... could I really ask for anything more? lol

This is the longest I've ever been single in a while, 6 years to be exact... and I've only been single for 6 months. LOL Yeah, DEF a learning experience. Anyhow, being single has it's pros and cons, and one of the cons is having way too much time to think about way too much. LOL without the constant texting, constant arguments, constant I LOVE YOUs there is often plenty of time to sit and ponder, reflect, retrospectively. I find myself doing that a lot, I'll begin thinking about my past with him, the good times... oh the good times. Sometimes I think of it so much I begin to wonder why I even let him go... BUT, that is where I stop myself in my tracks and say to myself "Dess, be strong, you did the right thing."

I don't know what would have come if I had stayed, but I do know that a lesson wouldn't have been learned had I continued being with him -- for him and of course for myself. It's never easy letting go of someone you grew to love, and love to me is still mysterious and dangerous... delightful and fulfilling... all the above. Fact is, no matter how much I think today, yesterday or any day after the day I made that decision to break it off, I need to be firm in my decision. Feelings do come and go, he actually taught me that... a life lesson I will take everywhere I go. My feelings fluctuate, one day I miss him, the next I hate him... hate is such a strong word, but feelings are even stronger, let not words underestimate (or overestimate for this matter) the power of feelings.

Anyhow, I find that I am rambling rambunctiously so I think I will quit now. :)

Adieu.

I hate you.

2010-03-05T02:15:00.000-08:00

I hate you, because even though it's been 5 months since I left you I can't get you out of my thoughts. Yes, I tried over and over to tell myself that I am over the fact that we are done, but I guess I'm not. And even though I left you, you never left, my mind. See, although I left you, I didn't have to, but I wanted to, I needed to, and that's a tough decision to make because I loved you, and we all know love is blind, mistakes what is yours that used to be mine, my heart.... My heart used to be mine, but I've been so jacked up and fxcked up with you that it, I no longer can find. Plucked it out of my flesh pumping chest to hand to you, I GAVE it to you to keep, to hold, a precious diamond I used to fxckin be, remember?! I used to BE a diamond... yet I gave myself away yet again to the hands of a boy that carelessly dropped me into the dirt, hurt, and cold, I'm no longer a precious luxury of natures beauty, my smile doesn't shine as bright as the sun used to gleam, it doesn't shine and glisten like the crescent moons reflection in the streams of tears of joy I used to cry, it doesn't shine like it used to... and though I sit here and gas myself up, my inner being rumbles and fights against my soul because I MUST move on for the life of me, yet my flesh wants to stay and cry a while. How can my soul be 10 days ahead of my flesh, my spirit is willing but my flesh is weak, Lord save me from myself there's so much to speak yet my hand covers my mouth to protect you, why? Why protect, YOU? You don't deserve the life of me from what happened those 2 days of my 3 years with you, but I'd still give it to you. Why? I don't fxckin know, and for that reason... I hate you.

Lately...

2010-03-04T15:49:00.001-08:00

So, lately I've been waking up very thankful. Not that I'm not thankful 100% of the time anyway, but just recently I started thinking about my life and all that encompasses it.

You see a year ago today, I'm almost positively sure that I wasn't in the position I am now. Granted, last year I was still on my own, still working full time, still completely clueless of what the future holds, today I have a whole year behind me that has added to my reason for living.

I woke up one morning, took a shower, and sat down in front of my mirror to begin applying face moisturizer. Upon moisturizing my face, I began to think, wow, am I really living on my own? I don't hear my mom yelling, my dad laughing, my brothers rustling back and forth in the hall way to get their clothes ironed, or begging me to iron their clothes, cuz for some God-forsaken reason they refuse to slide an iron on their pants, they need a female (my mother or myself) to do it. None of that occurs, I wake up, in a home that looks like how I left it last night, tidy and clean, or completely terrorized by Hurricane Dessarina. As I continued to get ready to hit the road, I grabbed my keys and thought to myself, wow, look at this, keys to my home, my car, and the back door at work. Hopped in the car and drove down the street just amazed at beautiful San Diego weather, it was lovely. Fresh dew glistening on the grass of the lawns I passed, the sun bouncing off of my side mirror in the car as I was rested at a red light. Man, I live in San Diego! And where am I going? To work... where? At UCSD. This cannot be possible? Or could it...

6 years ago, I didn't imagine my life like this. My only goal was to graduate college, and upon graduating college I thought to myself, wow Dess, you are on top of the world, you achieved your goal. Yet, even in graduating college, I wasn't content... why? I didn't know... for a long time I didnt know, and it took me 2 more years to actually realize what was to become of myself. I hit a latent stage in life, why? Well, *ahem* after 17years straight of being educated, some people (like myself) need a break! LOL Yup, as of June 22, 2008 it was a wrap for me, I put the books down and picked up the dancing shoes! ;) Call me a late bloomer, but I think plenty had their fair share of fun during their college and high school days. As for me, I was just not interested so much, for what reason? I'm not sure, but regardless of the reason, I know that it was all worth the wait. :) Anyhow, back to the whole achieving my goal... for a long time I felt like I didn't dream big enough when I was younger. How could a college degree really be my only goal? What about a job? Pssht, that wasn't even in my mind until my senior year, I was debating crazily before senior year if I would enter the work force or continue with school, and I'm glad I went straight to work. :)

Anyhow, this is all just gibberish I just wanted to write out my thoughts, nothing super detailed or thought provoking, just getting things off my chest as I find myself again looking at the mirror applying mascara thinking to myself, wow, I totally bought this mascara 3 weeks ago with my own money. Like wth, Mama told me one day I'd be on my own, but I never imagined it like this. With that said, I'm thankful that she still continues to push me towards goals to better myself. You the best Mama! ;) Raaaandom.

Mmkay, I'm done for the day. LMBO.

Cheers! Over and out.
=Dessarina

Losing someone

2010-03-01T22:38:00.000-08:00

Today, my Aunt lost her husband.

Momz called me and let me know that Aunty Ita's husband, Uncle Nifai, passed away as of this morning. As she tried to laugh under her breath in speaking to me, as she usually does to cover her pain, I could hear the weakness in her voice, as it trembled in telling me that she would be attending the funeral - "I have to go." I feel Mom's pain the way she felt Aunty Ita's pain. No, we cannot necessarily empathize with her - my aunty, my mother's sister - but we definitely feel the pain from her voice. My heart deeply aches for her behind the smile and the jokes I've been cracking all day.

People die daily, I know, but today I realized something. I've lost Gramma Superwoman, I've lost aunts and uncles, cousins... losing someone of blood relation to you is definitely heartbreaking... I wouldn't want to experience losing any family member dear and true to my heart, because I've felt the pain before, and it's not pleasant...

But just think... just imagine... to lose the love of your life, to lose the person you are bound to entirely by some element of the universe unrecognizable by the naked eye just completely leaves me at a loss for words. I think about it all the time... how can you care for someone so much? Someone that has no relation to you - a complete stranger in this universe until you connect with them, deeply, connect to their soul, to their inner self, to their being, their existence... and then one day, they just aren't here anymore... that pain felt, that anguish and inner struggle to move on or to stay faithful and true to the love of your life, I would never wish that pain on anyone. What type of pain is that? To have a void that will leave you completely empty of your soulmate's touch, their breath, their hug, their voice...

As I type in tears my heart goes out to my aunty. Although I have no significant other as of now to even feel remotely close to the pain that she does *ahem* lol, I can't imagine it'd be anything too far from brokenness... helplessness... emptiness... *sigh*

I love you, Aunty, and I am praying for your healing... because I would never wish that pain on anyone in this world - but know one day, if the Lord wills it, it just may come for me also, and I will want my nieces to pray for MY healing.

I love you. Be strong.

**If you were tagged, it was simply because I wanted to share this with you. I'm fine, really I am, I'm emotionally stable about all of this, I just wanted to bring this up because maybe you never thought about it before, maybe you feel the same, maybe you don't care, lol. :) Anyhow, no responses needed, I simply wanted to share. God bless you, and thank you for reading.

So, this is what I realized

2010-02-19T16:30:00.000-08:00

This whole single ride has been joyful :)

Why? Why am I now embracing life the way that I do without a companion, or a significant other. I came to the realization last night.

Typically I don't talk on the phone... that's a whole 'notha blog honey, we shall revisit it at a latter time. So yeah, I don't do phone conversations, but last night I was on the phone with a guy, and I realized why I don't want to be in a relationship, right now.

Feelings --> sad, mad, confused, uncertain, anything that does not lead to HAPPY.

So, we're talking on the phone, and as usual, I'm not used to being on the phone so I'm falling asleep - oh sue me, it was damn near 3am lol. Strike 1, I suck, I know, but I could still hear what he's saying, just in my semi-dreams. Upon him realizing that I wasn't responding to him asking me questions or just not responding to anything at all he kinda, he sings a song, and I can hear him very faintly, am able to make out some of the words, but he's singing so beautifully that I don't want to interrupt and tell him to sing louder so I can hear, so I just try and make out what he's saying... lol. Failed attempt, Strike 2 Dess, no balls. SMH. So after telling him that I couldn't hear him, lightweight yells at me and asks me why I didn't say anything, the point was to hear his lyrics. I'm sorry! smh, I just didn't want to interrupt, and, it's not like I couldn't completely hear him. Then he refrains from engaging in conversation, I'm completely awake now, bc I don't want to upset him, I care for the dude. Anyhow, conversation goes sour and I find myself trying to get him to speak, he doesn't budge much, so we end the conversation sour.

I go to bed thinking, hmmm, was he really upset? Is he playing mind games with me? Am I taking this too seriously? Why is he so upset, blah blah blah blah blahhhh.

After all these question race in my head I think to myself... wtf is wrong with me? Why am I sweating the situation? BULLshiet.

smh

Then, the light shines through, the have opened, and the angels are singing -- ahhh Dess, this is why you don't like talking on the phone, this is why you don't want to have feelings of any kind, friendly or intimate, with any other dude, this is why, you are happy that you are single and without the hassle of being connected to someone else's feelings... BEACAUSE YOU HATE THIS BULLSHIET DRAMA!

It's quite needless if you ask me, and yeah I may be a seemingly bitter wench at the moment, but I truly am fed up with the drama that comes with relationships... for now anyway. I'm not ruling a significant other out of my life, definitely not, but for now... I'm going to set my mind at ease about being the caring girlfriend Dessarina that I am when I'm IN a relationship because the last 2 played me on that quality.

I just had to vent. I'm done. I'm happy :)

Peace.

IMG00037-20100204-0836.jpg

2010-02-07T04:54:00.000-08:00

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formspring.me

2010-01-23T16:03:00.001-08:00

what was the most embarassing moment of your life?

HS - welcome back assembly skit - my bestie and i were moshing on the stage, ran into each other and i somehow bounced off her, flipped and ended face down on the stage. this was in front of the ENTIRE student body. i was mortified. lol

Ask me something... anything ;-)

2009 at a glance

2010-01-04T00:32:00.000-08:00

So, last year I did this, and of course I want to keep up with the tradition and do so again. Every year I anticipate a great year. I embrace the past and look forward to the future with a positive attitude. 2009 met me with a few ups and downs, despite all that I'm super thankful that God saw me to 2010. It is so very true, if He brings you to it, He'll get you through it. 2009 was up and down and though sometimes in my heart I still feel like I haven't been back up, I'm humbled and blessed to have been where I've been and I'm so thankful for the strength that I've gained, the courage I've grown within me, and yeah blah lets start the recap. lol

January
- Vegas with the brothers to celebrate Chris's bday - FUN
- Attended REC classes regularly after finding out I'm a whopping 210+ lbs - good LORD Dess, you lard lol
- Regaining confidence within myself to get control of my life
- Sao and Flo's wedding and small reception/baby shower for Baby Dee - all the family came from Hawai'i, had suuuper fun!
- Met my nephew baby Skeevee! :)
- Found out Clay and Nani were pregnant - broke my heart, and I did become angry with my cousin... angry because I was hurt, hurt because I believed in Clay to take another route... bleh
- Arizona for Conan's birthday

February
- Portugalia with the ladies!!! Finally hangin' with the polys in town, since I now have time to hang. LOL
- Got to know Talo, Bea and Adeile better through extensive slumber parties time after time
- Rugby 7s!!! Met the polys from Japan's team, Kontiki concert, Janies - haha, fob centrallll!
- Chronic Cantina with the Sevens rep'd by PIMG - lovely experience, shoutout to all the IE folks we met that day.
- Reunion with Kendra at the Diva Palace in La Jolla :)
- Broke up with Conan - bleh
- Met with news about new owners over our place - scrounged to find a new place -- ended up finding out we had a new buyer that didn't plan to move us out and wanted to keep us there - YAY, no need to move out
- BDAY BASHHHH - Thursday Sky Lounge, Friday Club SIN, Saturday Moondoggies: SHOUTOUT TO ADEILE for sharin' my bday memories.
- DEMETRIUS IS BORN!!! On the same day as me :-D
- Got back with Conan again. yayyy. bleh

March
- Gramma's bday (I LOVE YOU GRAMMA DIVA!)
- Sam & Lisi's wedding! Fun with Vaiolo's for that weekend.
- Vegas for Clayton and Nani's wedding - reception at Milanos - mmm yummy :)
- Jules Bday celebartion
- Rox comes to visit - San Diego with Ate, Cole, Julia, Amanda
- Tattoos with Ate and Amanda - wait, i didn't get one though lol
- Broke up with Conan for GOOD!!!! (or so I thought)

April
- Azusa with Nise, Celle and Anah for some therapeutic relief from the break up - ugh
- Lost my camera at the telly :*( - I hate you Radisson Maintenance crew!!!
- Easter with the family - blessed
- Back to AZUSA to cut my hurr! :) Exciting
- Met with Tagi, AlexTui, Tino and Shack while in Azusa that wkend. :)
- Back talkin' to Conan - smh can't help that I love the dude.

May
- Sneha's wedding - first Indian wedding I've ever been to - crrrrrrazy extravagant
- Met Aima for the first time - a beauty
- Trip to LA for Joose's 21st bday party
- Cookie Factory visit for the first time - delishhh!
- Working things out with Conan and gettin' stronger

June
- Dre gets back from Indonesia!!! Reunion with the SOC kids :)
- Ladies night out with the Yes Group :)
- Reunion with the A.Group since Dre's been back, and Rox has become an officer
- Attended Roxy's graduation to the Police Force for Pasadena PD - proud of you sister. To the maxx!
- Gramma's announcement to move back to the motherland - broke my heart again. sigh.
- Finally made it to the San Diego fair! Went with Meron and had fried snickers, twinkies, oreos and smores -- a heart attack before we hit the exit. Lord.
- Moved out from the Diva Palace into the Leata Palace with Cortney :) Now a resident of San Diego on my own, feeling super accomplished. Thanks to Mom, Dad, Jonas and Zachery for helping me move :)

July
- Gramma left. My heart stopped beating. Tears flushed my life and I felt like half my heart was taken away.
- Youth fundraiser on Fort to raise money for our trip to 2012 Jubilee in Samoa
- Met with Phylicia for church service as she lauga'd... great sermon - the sower and the seed - growth is important.
- Christina came out to visit in my new home :)
- Bea moves in and the festivities begin!

August
- Visiting with Dee and Flo before they left for Samoa
- Kontiki concert again
- To the bay we go for Gramma Superwoman's 1 yr passing - great times with the fam in the bay
- Conan and I now getting better :)
- Started Kickball League :)

September
- Out with the ladies again
- First fun day with the new church split :)
- Arizona again for Conan's game against -- ummm? I don't recall... bad wkend - ended up driving out by myself bc Dario and Kat ended up not comin'.
- Nini's bday celebration at True North
- Redondo beach for Kalea's OCC festival
- Broke up with Conan for GOOD and no turning back.
- PISA Luau with Nise and Celle visiting with us
- Joose, Ving and Tua came out also for PISA wkend hung out had a grand time
- Tsunami hit Samoa

October
- Benefit concerts all month for Samoa
- Donated clothes to Samoa with the church fam
- Single life - embracing the new lifestyle while trying to get over the old
- Ended Kick ball league - got our butts handed to us in finals
- Great Halloween bash with the girls - party bus for Moke's bday and ended the day at Katchafire concert ...? lol

November
- Vangie's wedding!
- Bea's birthday month!!!
- Quick mission to LA for Pepa's bday ended up hangin' and meeting twit connects - JayRahz, TheJonaEffect and TamaIRIE
- Ladies Game night for Elfster gift exchange - fun :)
- Maitai's with the Daygo folks for Kahilofa's pregame event at Delzaon's by the Sea
- Stayed the night at Ritha's home with Bea and Del - met her family, love them to death, they are so hospitable!

December
- Furloughs furloughs furloughs
- Pay cuts :(
- Consumer loan to consolidate debt
- Elfster Exchange was aweeeesome!
- Winter break at Mom and Dad's family
- Bowl game with Del for Arizona's loss to Nebraska - blast
- Christmas in Barstow again - a lovely one :)
- New years in Daygo

2010 goals

2009-12-27T01:57:00.000-08:00

1. Schedule eye exam appt for new glasses (since mom semi-broke my last ones)
2. Schedule dental appt
3. Schedule check up
4. Visit with Counselor or Psych dept on campus
5. Take courses through online enrollment to enrich writing
6. 30lbs by end of March.
7. Coordinate 1 on 1 with Bonnie and recruiter
8. Seek another job with civil services, developmental position with counseling
9. Refine search for graduate school with counseling
10. Join Vavi league for kickball and softball
11. BIBLE IN A YEAR!!!
12. Memorize the book of James.
13. Enroll in counseling classes at JC (online if possible)
14. Trip to Kentucky to visit Rox.
15. Donate clothes to charity
16. Youtube a new original song (dammit, I'm tired of the bookie boo request lolol, ok jk, but not, but yeah, but not, okay i'm done).
17. Gym pass at 24 hr fitness
18. Cut up credit cards -- STOP RACKIN' UP DEBT! smh
19. Get new tires for the car.
20. Get car tuned up.
21. Make trip to the Bay for leisure.
22. Try a new restaurant - Jamaican.
23. Vegas for Rugby 7s and birthday February
24. Tune up resume by end of January to seek new job.
25. Fast every 1st week of the month.
26. TITHE. ALWAYS. Even if it's not 10%. TITHE. The church needs every finance - A NEW BUILDING IS IN PROGRESS! God makes all things possible.
27. Finish New Moon.
28. Put Taxes towards debt. TITHE 10%.
29. Visit Samoa for a week.
30. New dish for Thanksgiving Meal
31. Every1 a gift.
32. Budget $100 per week for meals.
33. SAVE $100 a month
34. Join Bible Study at the Rock.
35. Sign up for Rec Classes at 24Hr or Grossmonth
36. Home once every other month.
37. STOP CUSSING.
38. GROW OUT HAIR.
39. Nose pierced? Mmm, I'll think about it.
40. Beginners piano to learn piano by ear.
41. New uke chords! :)

to be con't.

SMDH

2009-12-27T01:14:00.001-08:00

I don't know who I should necessarily be more upset at...

him or me.

smdh

Grade: 65% = D (smh)

2009-12-17T11:21:00.000-08:00

These are my goals that I posted in an earlier blog back in January... Goin' down the line to grade myself.

- Rec Classes  yesss, bootcamp for beginners and bunz, legs, tums and then the next quarter was kickboxing
- Join a Bible Study - fail :(
- Lead a Bible Study - Y.E.S. GROUP!  -- attempted, but it didn't work out for everyone. sad face.
- Volunteer at The Rock somehow (make Dario come too lol) -- i think i thought about attempting, but it didn't actually go through
- Donate clothes and shoes to charity.  -- with the tragic even of the Tsunami that hit Samoa I was definitely able to hook up a few kids out there with some clothes.
- Sing again, dang it. -- I've been singing, still working on my riffs, still trying to get comfortable with my voice.
- Learn new chords on the Uke and write another original song.  I've definitely written a few songs, but I don't think I learned any new chords on the Uke, well, yeah I did -- jk -- but I haven't practiced them enough to remember :( i suck lol
- Take a class or two at JC - just learn something new! -- FAIL! i hate myself. lol
- Blog your life - you are losing your writing skills! Keep them fresh!  Of course!

*** con't ***

- Learn to play piano by ear, and sing at the same time. HAHA. Yeah, we'll see how this goes. -- FAIL - i really did look into a few keyboards on craigslist, however to no avail was the kupe great. next year for sure.

- Try a new restaurant. Indian, Japanese and Jamaican. Ooooh, and Phil's BBQ! -- Punjabi Tandoori was EXCELLENT. Ichiban and sushi delight, def a gr8 spot, I still prefer Sushi deli . No jamaican... from what I can recall... or can't? lol and PHIL'S BBQ IS SUPER SICC. :)

- Find a new substitute for chocolate - 'cause let's be real, that mess is JACKIN' up my FIGURE! hahaha. or what's LEFT of it. HAHA. i found this substitute very early, chocolate drizzled rice cakes. yum! 90 calorie packs.

- Read my bible, in a year, and take notes. -- FAIL. My bible is still crisp, I am trying to get it wrinkled and broken in.

- Listen for God. - DEFINITELY did a lot of that. God, you are so good to me. Thank you. Amene.

- CUT MY HAIR. Chopped and screwed and missed with the color! Loved it.

- BUDGET! -- def been able to do that, thank you to my new loan :) and yeah why am I STILL racking up debt? SMH!!!!

- Take girls out just to hang out. At least once a month. -- I was only able to take the girls out a few times before they moved back to Washington, but I'm happy we got to spend those few moments together.

- DRESS UP FOR WORK - casual Fridays. NON-STOP! IT'S CASUAL FRIDAY TODAY, and it's Thursday actually. lol

- Read a Book. - John Grisham's Innocent Man and the twilight series, I guess. haha. -- DEF hit up that twilight series... well I finished Twilight. I'm still working on New Moon LOL - MOVIE WAS TIGHT THO!

- Take classes at a JC to get my mind thinking again. (Language, History and Computer classes) -- FAIL. MAJOR FAIL! I still want to, dont know if I will.

- Road trip to Arizona. -- totally did all by my lonesome, thanks Dario and Kat!! punks! lol - it's all good, the trip was worthwhile... at some points smh

- Go to Samoa (in the summer with my folks). God willing! LoL! -- OPERATION NO KUPE - sorry Gramma, I would have gone with Mom to take u back home but e leai se kupe i lana bank aggount :(

- Buy a new laptop. MISSION COMPLETE!!! and I love my NOVOsita!

- Cook 3-4 times a week. I must domesticate myself NOW or NEVER!!! haha. -- OPERATION FAIL, I started off doin' it in the beginning, got lazy way too early in the beginning. Will be doin' again next year.

- Make my own dish for Thanksgiving dinner with the fam. -- THANK YOU TO VEE415 I was able to make potato salad with special ingredient and the fam LOVED IT! SCORE!

- Buy everyone a Christmas gift at home.

Mom - coach purse (she better like it too! lol, dang it!)

Dad - Golf tees, golf balls, nike golf nail clipper set and slacks

One - Jordans

Zachery - Jordans

Jonas - Jordans, jacket, jeans <-- brat! haha well, he's the baby

Cousin Lani - Coach wallet and lotion set

Cousin Danny - vest and jeans

Roomie Bea - bed (thanks Adeile) coach wrislette, perfume set

Secret Santa Athena - Blockbuster pack - 3 movies, candy, cookies, popcorn, blanket and pillow

Secret Santa Tira - lotion basket of Japanese Cherry Blossom :) galore

--- I'm now broke. haha. dang it.

Thoughts for the day

2009-12-17T09:41:00.000-08:00

So, as previously confessed via Twitter, I tend to think a LOT more in the winter time. Perhaps because it's cold and sometimes freezing, and thinking some what keeps me warm, depending on what I'm thinking of... yeah, not only that, it's the end of the year and I am most definitely thinking up big plans for the next year. Wow, now that I think about it, that whole "depending on what I'm thinking about" in ref to me keeping warm was awkward and sounded SO WRONG... smh... lol. Anyway, I think I may possibly be ready for all this. I mean, at this point, I can't wait until I'm ready, I gotta GO GO GO. I need to get outta that habit of the whole "I'm ready" and "I'm not ready" business... ugh. I just don't want that to hinder me from great things. That used to bug me about him, and now I find myself doing it. Anyhow, I will be writing down goals again, and as a matter of fact I should do a check of all things I've done... but, for SURE, I am definitely going to blog up my goals for next year. I'm attackin' 2010 full throttle. I gotta love myself enough to do it that way.

*cheers to 2010*

9 things - 1o1 with Bryan

2009-12-10T14:54:00.000-08:00

3 Core Strengths

1. Patience

2. Leadership/Guidance

3. Communication

3 Things that excite me

1. Serving others

2. Writing - blogging, short stories,

3. Relationship discussions

3 Reasons TO go to Grad School

1. Grow passion into a career

2. Learn learn learn

3 Reasons NOT to to go Grad School

1. Creating more debt

2. Not being able to debt already created debt

What you see is what you get

2009-12-04T09:20:00.000-08:00

Me in my purest form -- and to accompany my photo, I write a haiku...

Face of my mother, mind of my father

My blemishes are visible

Take me as I am

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A Thankful Thanksgiving

2009-11-29T23:07:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving was peaceful this year. I haven't been home since about a month and a half ago, but so much changes within a small amount of time, not only do things change, lots of things happen.

The same normal routine occurred on Thanksgiving. I woke up to Mama yellin', as usual - this time her yell wasn't as loud. :) I ended up making a potato salad of which the recipe I was given by a twitter connect. LoL. How... random? Yeah. After making the salad I proceeded to the Turkey Bowl. My brothers and the rest of the local football boys were already at the field, lingering in disgusting locker room aroma on the bottom soccer field at the high school. Lani arrived and already the boys were engaged for about an hour on the field. I saw some of the girls, a class or two younger than my graduation class. I ended up choppin' it up with them for a good few before they left to commence their Thanksgivings with their own families. I saw a person of my past, that was interesting. I did ask to speak with him, but knowing that he has a significant other has kept me from my own request, thus I let it go. Didn't seem meant to be. So, I kept my distance. Afterwards the boys and I came back home, washed up and prepared for thanksgiving late lunch/early dinner.

This thanksgiving I've come to realize how funny my family is. We were crackin' jokes on eachother NON-STOP. I mean, there wasn't a single moment of silence at the table. I actually spat up my drink after my mom said something random and funny. My brothers proceeded to poke fun at her.

I've come to realize that my family is all I have. They are all I will ever have when happiness fades and when sadness enters the door. They're all I will ever need when I'm feeling completely alone. I love that they are always here for me, even without them knowing that they NEED to be here for me... sigh.

This thanksgiving was a bit hard, Gramma wasn't here, and I realize I missed thanksgiving with her last year bc I was in Italia... nothing wrong with that, but... I just realize I'm thankful for having her at Christmas time last year, and New Years this year, and for my birthday, and her birthday, and all the other holidays up until she left.

I'm humbled and blessed this thanksgiving... only God knows my heart and how broken I was all weekend bc of my situation with my love life, but even though -- I'm still thankful I have a family that is always making me smile.

Thank you, God... you always come through for me.

Time to sleep... gotta wake up and take the kiddies to school, oil change, car wash, gas up, and one last date with Del Teezy before I leave the land of Del Taco Heaven. lol

Great night world. :)

#truthis

2009-11-29T01:11:00.000-08:00

I'm quite confused.

I can't think straight.

I want out.

I hate being here.

I wish I was in outer space.

I have to punch a wall.

I haven't cried until now.

I keep thinking back.

I love my mom & dad.

I miss my brothers.

I dont like my Gramma being in Samoa.

I found out I'm not alone.

I wont be here for long.

I swear I'm in denial.

I just want to be, successful.

I hunger for my future.

I aint finna hold back.

I gotta get thru this.

I like to cry alone.

I lowkey have a crush.

I worry about my health.

I care too damn much.

I am too frkkn nice.

I recognized my mistakes.

I learned my lesson.

Truth is... I'm done.

Goodnight.

WTH - It's November

2009-11-25T14:12:00.000-08:00

So, long long ago in a far away land called Barstow I do recall telling myself that I would begin blogging so as to not lose my writing skills... Hmm, lets all put our hands together for a clap off and yell a great big FAIL at Dess for not following through. Yayyy.

Truth be told, I've been blogging I just haven't been blogging on blogger. Myspace blogs are all up to date with my emotions and feelings and what not, and here I am trying to catch up. I will be trying to reconcile my myspace blogs with this blog, bc Myspace is so obsolete these days, I'm surprised I'm even trying to bring the word to life because it's definitely on it's death bed. So lots of updates, and here's goes a few just to keep the updated...

1. I'm single -- yeah yeah, shiznit happens. Here I go, lolly gaggin' a whole 2 months completely single, trying ever so passionately to move on, but I gotta be real with myself and come to realize that it's gonna take some time. Been there, done that, this one isn't as hard as my first one was, boy oh boy, but this one meant a little of a LOT more. *shrugs* Brace yourselves folks - Dess is def back on the market, but no sales price yet -- just up for the viewing.

2. I now live in my own humble abode -- with the ever so beautiful Beatrice. Yes I've been living in City High igh igh hood for almost 6 months. I love the apt, it's cute, comfy and cozy for Bea and I. A small 2 story townhouse, 2 bed 2.5 bath, granite counters, stainless steel appliances and wooden floors - it's beautiful and furnished, thanks to Wellsfargo that allowed me a loan to spend on it. :) Yup, house is lookin' good and for a long while I was obsessed with buying things for the house, I'm over it now though. :) Anyway, Bea and I ABSOLUTELY LOVE guests, all of our visitors that have come for a quick getaway want to return so I take it we're doing a really good job at being hosts. :)

3. My finances suck -- I'm still at my job, however thanks to the whack and brokearse state, the Library department on campus was cut $1million dollars from our $3million budget, so we have been forced to figure out how we are going to manipulate our budget and activities to some how to combat that $1milli that we don't have. Yes, I have volunteered as a represented union member to have my monthly salary cut, and I'm okay with it. Luckily I have parents that are stable enough to catch me when I call. :)

4. Debt aint no thang! -- So, with all of the hassle of my credit card debt racked up from undergrad I have finally been able to put it all under one complete bill after I applied for a consolidation loan and passed with flying colors. Thank you to Pops for establishing my credit early in high school and throwing me to the wolves to pay for everything on my own when I got to college. :) Life is good!

5. MY HAIR IS SHORT! -- So along the ways of creating my goals for this year, one was to cut my hair. I finally got nervy enough after my first "real breakup" with Conan to go and chop the crop in April. Dyed it and everything, the major WOW YOU CUT YOUR HAIR DESS factor. I didn't think I was going to keep up the style, it actually grew out a lot and I ended up going for another trim. After linking up with Manny Mizzle once I moved out of the Diva Palace I went in for another hair cut and color and boy have I been hooked. Typically Samoan girls like to keep their mane untouched but I have been so antsy about mine that I've cut it so much within the past couple of months that it's totaled way more than the amount of times I've cut my hair my entire life! Crazy, I know, 2009 called for change, and I embraced it well!

6. Twitter, my remedy - So yes, I've found a new social networking site and thank God it has removed my superficial instincts that have made me weary with myspace. Yes! It's the new IN thing for me, and quite frankly I enjoy it despite the fact that others may not be to tickled by it, I have a keen sense of networking on it and I just absolutely love it. Follow me @Kikkoman_Soy

I think that's all for now, I will holler laters - roger that!

Over and out.

Dess

Dear Reader

2009-11-20T13:31:00.000-08:00

I am sorry,

Beyond the depths of a black hole of sorrow.

Please forgive me, I beg.

Humbly yours,

Dessarina

safety ropes

2009-10-22T12:22:00.000-07:00

really miss him. I hope he's doing well.

I'm a mess. I am troubled on the inside, yet fine on the outside.

This is hard.

But this what I wanted... right?

I cannot be weak. I must move on.

It's a climb, and I don't have any safety ropes.

sigh. damn.

Journey Forward - wait, REWIND

2009-10-20T09:43:00.000-07:00

in' you.

Too safe.

I guess I can't expect him to raise the bar as high as I did right? after all we're not together anymore so it doesn't "MATTER TO YOU" . He's right, it doesn't.

The funny thing about it, I didn't even mean to raise it that high, aimed high and at the end of the story, I ended up flat on my face.

It irritates me that there's a REAL DEEP, treacherous story, yet he only tries to show the "I'm climbing to the mountain top" part of the situation. IRRITATING. IRRITATED. IRATE. Why does this irritate me so much? Oh, cuz every guy has done that before. Duh Dess.

SMH. Nothing new.

From a character within the story, the song's aight.

But of course, to the naive and astounded audience, the song's a smashing hit.

Keep doin' you.

2009-10-13T21:11:00.000-07:00

Wow, word travels so fast these days, huh? lol

No time to reverse,

the curse that stains the lips of those reading this verse...

Accelerate to 5th gear,

anyone who has ears, let them hear...

"God bless you & take care"

WARNING: Vulgar language

2009-09-24T20:42:00.000-07:00

DISCLAIMER: I have grown plenty from this post, and I have just NOW chose to make it public. I was very angry, this was written the evening my boyfriend and I broke up - exactly 3 months before our 3 yr anniversary.

Who likes relationships? Anyone? Not I. If I had wings I could fly, far enough to live on my own. Why? Because these days men are so annoyingly irritant and irritat-ing, and though some claim to be different, they end up being the same. Fucked up and lame, I love you is what they claim. Sorry to burst your bubble, LOVE IS AN ACTION, uh oh, who the fuck's in trouble? He is, why? Bc he claimed to love me, at the drop of my first tear, and when was this, '06 was the year. Coo'd and caressed my soul with his will to listen,yet now somehow love was lost, he couldn't take the heat, so I told him get the fuck outta the kitchen. His goldi locks he may be rippin', out of his head until he's drippin, with sadness and dispair, and what, do I look like I care? Like I could give a shit if he's in pain? 3 years I've been walkin' in the fuckin' rain, where's my umbr-ella ella ella ay, there's nothing else I can say, ay ay, ay ay. He got me fucked up! Grown ass woman 23 years of age, my own car, my own place don't turn the page (yet), 4 year degree from an elite UC, I didn't get all A's, but B's get degrees! 43g income - can you hold my card, I got hella bills cuz these times are hard. No I don't have a big ego, nor do I care about WHAT I am, but WHO I am is different bc I've lost who I am... Look at me, strong and sophisticated by the naked eye, yet I'm dealin' with THIS silly bullshit, my dude makes me cry. Verbally abused I can't lie, I'm disrespected time after time, and though I've begged for him to tame his tongue in the presence of mine, he's stubborn and ill tempered and my request? Declined. Strong and sophisticated to the naked eye am I, why the FUCK do I deal with this bullshit? Why does he make me cry? :*( Mascara runs down my cheeks, and I cry into my sheets, because my pillows are soaked, tears from every yesterday - my heart is broke. Where the fuck did our relationship go? We used to sing, and play and talk all day. Now we fight and cry and argue the night away, say "I love you" to break the silence yet I can't keep up, say it so we can go to bed, yeah, our relationship is fucked. His ears probably bleed from my voice so loud, but even me screaming, i'm still screaming in a crowd, why? Becuase he doesn't listen, he hears me yet doesn't heed, unlike the old him, the one I actually need. When a phone call was out of WANT and not obligation - to check in, not feeling threatened but out of consideration. It's all been hateration! My mind fucks with me, and my mouth fucks with him, I'm not gonna lie, it's my most utilized sin, I can't help it, I've been fucked in relationships before, my ex nigga left me for ass, and my nigga now's a bore! I can't settle the score! What should be my bliss? Would I have rather been cheated on, or bored to death with nothing less than, this...

sigh.

I'm frustrated I know, yet my mind can't continue to boil every day. Sadness does not live here, yet I think I will grant it visitation rights for now. When it rains, everyone gets wet, yet this cloud only seems to hang over my head. 3 years... of waste? I have no idea, because my soul once thought he was my half. And my mind still believes love will endure, but this? Man, where the hell did shit go wrong? And why the fuck do I feel like this? Emptied. Hallowed. Stripped.

My eyes cry because my heart can only bleed. My feet walk away because my heart refuses to leave. My lips tremble because my heart can only beat. My head shakes (in disappointment) because my heart is so damn weak.

I'm frustrated and mad. Above all else, sad.

I don't want it anymore.

I'm done.

More of the like - Dboy/Dgirl business

2009-09-15T02:08:00.000-07:00

*DISCLAIMER*

Please separate the writers from the characters - it's poetry - a form of artistry. No physical connection - simply poetry. lol. And this was written in April (or May... or march? lol)

So... lately I've had this urge to begin writing. If anyone knows me well enough, and reads my blogs, they know well and good that, yeah, DESS LOOOOOOVVVES WRITING. I'm blessed with a curse, I know. Anyhow, I haven't had the itch to write in a while, and now I've become completely restless with my life as to where I'm going with it in my young years with the lack of extracurricular activities. Ever since I've tossed the tassle I've put on the AD-ult cap and I am bored miserably with life. So... after twittering suggestions on what my next creative story should be about Danny shoots out a great idea. Furthermore, he suggests a collabo. How great right? 2 heads are ALWAYS better than one. ;) Anyway, here's a glimpse at a previous "collabo" sort of piece we did randomly back in the spring. A little call and response poetry exchanged with myself and DBoy aka TamaIrieFilms. He actually peer pressured me into responding with name calling. LoL! No hurt feelings, I'm kinda glad. I'm always up for a challenge. ;)

View his myspace page at myspace.com/samoanspikelee and follow him at twitter.com/tamairiefilms. If you haven't noticed by the url, he's an up and coming film maker - check him out.

Me on the other hand, yeah I'm just tryin' to get back into my lyrical game. LoL. Been on the injured list too long. Typically I write really dark poems about silence, solitude, hatred and such (my outlet to keep me from being emo I guess?). LoL, I know, shocking, but it's so true. Occasionally I'll write a love poem, but, that was all when I didn't know what love was, and yearned for it. Now I know what it is... anyhow, I'm not really accustomed to the trashy romance novel poetry as to be read below, but I figured I'd give it a try since DBoy served as the gateway. Words are pretty powerful - entrancing almost.

-----

DBOY: I awoke this morning with a smile on my face. No matter the circumstance i am blessed to have dwelled in her grace. Slightly I retrieve my arm from under her temple that I held tight throught the night. I tramped into the kitchen to fix her a breakfast meal her grandmother couldn't compete with, dressed it up real nice and served it to her with delight. She awoke from her slumber only to gaze into my eyes, I was all she wanted for breakfast; we connected, in between each other's thighs. Did we confuse love with lust? Each thrust shifts us farther from the answer until there is no answer, no question asked, only a smile on her face because she dabbled well in my grace.

Dess: Though there had been no answer from her, she laid back basking in the nostalgic love of her First... had she taken this breakfast "love" a little too far? An event that terminated in the bedroom yet commenced in the car? My my, what a promiscuous girl she had been, caved in by the sweet tasting words of his sin, an adulterer, the scarlet letter he hid up his sleeve. She, a sideline lover? She'd soon become peeved. But, lightly, she could care less, the pleasure was sweet. Engulfed by the sugar of sin dripping from his lips, she smiled and turned to stare into the emptied abyss. Without the slightest notice of her fried eggs and ham, she did not retract her butterfly dragon thoughts of her man, a man faithful, and loyal, deserving of gold - undressed with the scorned letter of a story already told. See, this breakfast casanova was only eye candy in the distance, like the last wonka bar on the shelf she snatched him with the quickness, rustled in the car and soon became restless, moved it to the backseat and soon became helpless - overcome with the disease of lover's amnesia, love WAS confused with lust after she dosed up on the anesthesia. A night nurse, with a thirsty curse of lust, often she'd throw out her relationship built solely on trust. Steady she'd fiend for what she didn't have, not realizing she had greatness without needing to grab. Will her confusion of love and lust carry on? She attempts to unconfuse it every morning at the break(fast) of dawn.

------------

Like I said, i tried. LoL. I miss creative writing.

Tryin' to get my groove back.

Dboy/Dgirl buisness

2009-09-12T13:49:00.000-07:00

More poetry from DBOY and Dess. :)

Before you read this, I want you to know that I created some verses for dramatic effect. Please do not be too alarmed, 98% of this speaks from true insecurities, yet, with a humble heart, I gladly accept who I am.

We both speak about different conflicts... :)

OH YEAH - THIS IS DEF NOT LIGHT READING. lOl.

----------

Deep into my mind I wrestle, like Jacob and God, all night - I fight - I am she and it's She versus Her. She can speak volumes that reaches God's front porch, mocked and scorned by a spectator that with his gavel has already adjourned on the preconceived notion that She is... "different".

People see me and think SHE. She is different. She, talks “white”… sounds funny and smells weird, and is sometimes odd and particular with what she says. She, is “tainted”… kissed and smothered by the sun’s rays, scorched lands of the Sahara desert would seem fitting for her origin. She, is lacking - in athletic talents that have been strongly exemplified through all 3 of her brothers, the apple does not fall too far from the tree, yet She was thrown to the waste side. She is of an unknown aesthetic make up, uncommonly identified by naive minds who are without knowledge of her kind. Are you mixed, with black? They commonly ask. She thanks them for the compliment, but no, she is not Black, Puerto Rican, Indian, Mexican, Pnay or any of the above. She is Samoan - or is she not?

She is cut and bleeds red and white stripes, navy blue and white stars - and only the tail feathers of a bald eagle. Though she has the blood of her ancestors that reigned the Navigation Islands she is bred AMERICAN SAMOAN and is plagued with the disease of being, plastic - and because of this, she fights. She did not choose to be conceived in the mainland, yet she is grateful for parents that sought the American Dream . This double edged sword of raising children in the mainland results in a child with better opportunity, yet lacking so much in enrichment in their true culture - or was it just She? She was taught English first, a blessing and a curse. She thinks back to the lack of ability her father had to communicate in the military when he joined 30 years ago. Straight from the rock, he read lips and followed the leader with commands - dare he have his children follow the same suit when their time comes? Hell no he replied, and thus he kept She from it. "No Samoan spoken in this home" he claimed, and the rule reigned over all 4 of his offspring. She's thankful for his protection and guidance, but still carries the burden alongside with her father, knowing that She is still, without.

She doesn’t fully understand the fa’alavelave. Perplexed in the mind, she questions the exchange of monetary gifts she helped present. She cannot sulu an i’e. Fe’aus await her hands for service yet they are too busy trying to keep her lavalava from falling. She cannot read the Tusi Paia without a snicker or snare and I'm not talking candy and drums. Trembling lips fail to pronounce the long "A" on tam'a - she turned Father into a boy - and she is pierced with the glare of an elder woman that questions, "You don't know Samoan?". The language of her ancestors. She hangs her head low and she replies with a faint "no".

She vs HER.

She wishes she were Her, the Teine Samoa who was raised with the birthright of her sisters bred from the fresh soils of an island paradise. Her who is able to carry the si'i and bow at the right time and angle to present a love offering to God's chosen messenger. Her who can grace the stage with an awe-struck presence of purity and beauty to represent her aiga with the headpiece of a princess and the title, Taupou. Her who can communicate with without tugging on her mother's i'e for a translation. She struggles to be her.

I am She, and She is me, but I so long to be Her.

I've wished on every star in the sky to be pleasantly presented in the eyes of my people, yet my lack of confidence and eagerness to portray only finds me disappointed and flustered with the outcome. I'm not without knowledge of my kind, I'm just born into the new age generation of being American Samoan. I am not as strong physically as the teines and tamas that labor in the simplicity of life of the cultivated fields in Samoa. Yet I am strong mentally like those that refused to labor at the commands of the Germans during the colonization of Samoa. I am not talented with the athleticism to carry a winning team to the 'ship of a volleyball match or a football game. Yet, I have sophisticated my talent to write that can carry minds far beyond the courts of our Maker.

The final round in this battle with She and Her is tapped out by Me. Overwhelmed with frustration, wisdom overcomes. I realize that, as She fights to be Her, She bruises the essence of not Her or She... no one else, but Me.

-------------------

DBOYYYYY... show 'em what you workin' with!

CONFLICTION...
(I am a prisioner on the inside, as well as the outside) I can paint a piccasso of the courage it must take one to live the life they want to live; you see me, that is not quite what I did. Instead of facing ridicule and humiliation from those held immensley close to my heart, I live the life more suitable on the outside. But inside I'm in prision doin life for not snitchin, on myself. Surely my cell gets conjested causing little signs of truth to seep out of open crevices'. Shawshank redemption is near but the consequences of escaping I am not able to inflict upon my wounded soul. Wounded & Conflicted by culture, religion, tradition, and expectations, my mind and my heart duel for righteousness. Despite exhaustion, Insomnia forces me to play out the screenplay of my imagination, the very script I long to live. I become engulfed with the protagonist, bringing the character to life. Critics are spellbound by my performance referring to it as a delightful tour-de-force. However, the only 1 critiquing me, is me. No 1 has inspired me with true friendship to allow so close, even those few who have heard the truth uttered from my speech. Fatigue of a facade leaves me in despair. Enabling the prisioner to become intoxicated with power over me. Consider this his playtime on the field. Rebellious toward me for my actions, he creates havoc within my conscience indulging in his vices creating emotional bliss for him to weaken my decision. Fucked up way to live, I'm sure. But to loose those who love me would be unbearable. So do I live the life I want? Or do I live the life I know? I know, I know, its my life, I should live it and be comfortable in my skin. The walls I built to keep my prisioner inside are roaring. The echo increases with every thrust. You can't keep the innoncent caged up forever. The inmate chained to my soul can no longer remain destitude. Slowly and securley I feed his thirst. But what will come of it? Truth? I and I can't handle it. But like the sun, the truth always rises, and my prisioners one wish is to live where the sun always shines.

Conflicted

LIES and LIARS - please read

2009-08-31T21:47:00.000-07:00

**written August 31,2009**

Lies don't fix things. They don't even make things easier, at least not in the long run. Best to tell the truth and then clean up an honest mess."

-- Chosen by P.C. and Kristen Cast

If you MUST find any reason to lie to me for any reason, I STRONGLY encourage you to resist. As stated above, lying does not FIX things, it does not make you a better person, it does not create a better image for yourself. It doesn't make things easier either, in the present or future - it makes it harder for you to conceal bullcaca.

Feel no need to lie to me. I am a forgiving person, and mark my words, I WILL forgive you - sooner and quicker than you think. I am MUCH more appreciative of a person who can be up front with me. I also grow the utmost respect for those who can be completely honest and endure consequences as a result of whatever actions from whatever the situation.

Be honest, take the heat, and lets move on.

Life is about moving forward.

Baggage isn't sexy yall, not. at. all - and I intend on being as sexy as possible, so I make every attempt to relinquish any unnecessary rubbish at the first opportunity.

HAHAHAHA. JK on that sexy as possible part, but for reals folks - be honest, be real, if you did something wrong, accept the consequences, endure, learn your lesson and move on in life. This helps you grow as a better person, believe me.

Feel no need to lie to me, I am a strong woman and I can handle the truth - and I don't trip off of the small things, so don't waste a lie on me, save it for someone else who can't handle the truth. LoL. (Don't put too much energy in trying to figure out what lie to say to me, for real, lol, I am totally fine with the truth.)

Have a blessed day folks. :)

Satan is SOOO persistent.

2009-08-26T02:06:00.000-07:00

*WARNING: If you're an avid reader, you may take joy in this "light reading", if not, you may just want to skip to the bottom summary. :) Either way, be blessed*

So, Sunday all day I had highly anticipated going to the Rock. It has been such a long time since I've actually been to a service since I've been in and out of Barstow, that I have actually skipped a couple of weeks of service. Yeah, yeah... don't judge me. :P Earlier that day I made up my mind, 7pm service it would be, end my day on the right note and meditate on God's word as I began a new week, right? Right... guess what folks, it's testimony time.

So Saturday evening I text Michelle (coworker) and Monica (running partner/friend) if they want to go to service at 7pm. Michelle hits me back and says that she wont be able to this week, which was fine. Monica on the other hand anticipated going to service with me since the week before so I was determined to make it happen this week. Later that evening, Bea (roomie) and I go walking downtown and hear this strange call from the otherside of the street "Uh uh, uhhh uh!" -- lo and behold, it's Monica bein' noisy in laughter. After girl chat, Monica says that she's down to go to service. SWEET, we're gonna make it happen right? Maybe...

Sunday rolls around and of course, I am completely lazy out of pure tiredness. I roll around in bed, go downstairs, watch TV and end up eating leftovers from the day before. 3 o clock rolls around and I tell myself I'm going to take a nap, wake up around 5:30 and get ready for church and be there for worship. Wooo, gotta plan, lets execute!

I fall asleep around 4pm and then I wake up around 5:45. I'm gettin' ready and I text Monica to remind her of service... she ends up texting me being unable to go becuase she has family in town. SAD FACE. Now I am going to church by my lonesome. Invited two girls, and both for whatever reason are not coming, so I tell myself, okay God, it's me and YOU time. I'm down. There's always a reason for everything right? :) I wash up, prepare myself mentally as I begin derssing myself for service. Even though it's night service and the Rock is a very "come as you are" wardobe type of church, I always hear my mom in the background saying "You're not wearing that to church" so I always try to ensure that I wear something she wouldn't respond with that saying to.

I hit the road and I'm early enough that there is ample parking spaces in the side parking lot. SCORE - it usually takes a good 15 minutes and half a tank of gas to find a parking spot after circling and circling, but today, I found a spot easily, so I pull right in. As I open my door and put my keys in my purse, I lock my door because late, I've been catching myself on random occasions not locking my car, I was determined not to forget tonight though, haha, very deteremined. So after locking the doors, I hop out of the car and hold the door open with my foot (trying to multitask, which I have proven on several accounts to be terrible at) and attempt to fix my very "stylish" scarf (Bryan said so at work, haha) so that I am not lookin' a hot mess on my way in to church. I end up pulling my leg out from stopping the door to close to keep my balance, and yeah, guess what... the door closed, not completely, but it definitely locked. There I stood, hitting myself in the forehead becuase there in the front seat sat my purse, with my wallet and car keys flashing - luring any passerby to simply break into my #1 stolen car in San Diego of a Honda and be on his marry way maxing out what's left on my credit cards. Great, this is JUST. MY. DAY. I stood there thinking, hmmm, how should I proceed? Should I forget about church and try to figure out how to get my spare key from Bea? Should I call and pay for a locksmith? Should I just go to church. Like I said yall, Satan is so persistent, I decided NOT to give into him, so I told myself - Dess, you're at church, these are Godly people, and God is on your side. Go to church, trust that God's got your back, and lets go to church" -- Done deal, I was sold, so I took a deep breath, said a quiet prayer and proceeded to the entrance of the church empty-handed (feeling super unprotected without my sword). I've seen plenty of people go to church empty handed, mostly because the church provides bulletins and handouts with the scripture, but I am alwaysin the habit of bringing my bible to church, and find it very odd when I see people without one... then again, there's my mother's voice againg "WHERE'S YOUR BIBLE?! GO LOOK FOR IT." - as loud and demanding of a voice as you can imagine, is the tone she would take with me and the brohams. Ha.

I'm sitting there in church, trying with every energetic atom in my body to not think of my car and the situation. Satan can't hold me down yall! Lemme praise and worship and forget about the car... nope, Satan was winning, worry filled my mind, I kept trying to figure out how I was going to call ANYONE without my phone (people don't memorize phone numbers like they used to), and I the worst thought I had... I had no offering. :( I had two dollars left in my wallet and I was really excited to be a cheerful giver and give "all that I had", and yet, nope, I couldn't even do that. Pastor Miles wasn't there today, sadly (please forgive me Lord) I always get to disappointed when he's not there to deliver the sermon... I really ought to stop that, God uses all people to deliver the message, I need to recieve it whenever it comes and by whoever delivers it. The sermon was about when God is silent... sometimes it means you jut have to be silent too! Be silent and WAIT... LISTEN... PRAISE him. All these points were def hitting right on the money, but Satan was still tuggin' at my thoughts with worry about the car. So, half way through the sermon, I think, God, I know there is reason for everything that happens, I'm going to ask these church folks if I can use the phone to call Bea and have the key delivered to me by some way of divine intervention. I counted to 10 (nobody likes to just get up and leave in the middle of a sermon) and got up and proceeded towards the exit.

I ask the front desk if I can use the phone and they were such caring Christians, one dude asked if I had an atenna bc if I did, he could "break in" to my car with it... I kinda laughed, he was def a volunteer for the church... however I didn't have an antenna. I decided in this event, I'd just phone a friend, but first I had to phone 411 becuase I didn't know Bea's work number. I dial 411 hesitantly, because I didn't know if the folks at the desk thought I was lying or something... hey, anything could happen. I ask the operator for the number to Bea's work and after finding it, the operator says "we will now connect you at no additional charge" -- I suddenly felt shameful... I just charged the church .75 cents to make this call bc of my stupid mishap of locking my keys in the car. Long story short, Bea was able to get Preston to deliver the keys to me, but he said it would take him another hour to get here. I debated -- hmmm, sit here in the cold and wait (for free)? Or call the locksmith and pay? -- Seein' as it's the end of the month and I only get paid at the beginning of every month, I decided, I'd have to do some laps around the lot to keep warm, because waiting was gonna have to do. Ha.

I waited, and as I waited I strolled through the Vons shopping center. Funny thing, I was in a section that sold all kitchen gadgets and appliances and I literally saw every item and every price and was completely amazed and the stuff I saw. Someone invented a measuring spoon that has a sliding measurement boundary, slide it up for 1/8, slide it down for 1/4, down again for 1/2, etc. SUPER COOL! Same thing for a measuring cup, it was pretty awesome. (Don't judge me, I appreciate the little things in life). I see all these people walking around and I keep telling myself - ask her nicely to use her phone, or ask that dude sitting at his laptop for a quick gchat session with Bea... I failed at all attempts because I was too embarrassed. LoL. So I just sat on a bench in the parking area waiting for Preston. I see this kid gathering carts in the lot and texting on his phone and I tell myself "Ask him, he's not working anyway" LoL - he gets nearer and I grow the courage to ask "Hey, would you guys happen to have a phone for customer use?" he directs me to the inside office, and off I went. SCORE, after asking the cashier, she leads me to a phone, and I call Bea (I had written the phone # on my hand, and almost washed it off three times after using the restroom). Bea tells me Preston is in the lot and he can't find me, I jump for joy in Vons, hang up and speed out to find Preston driving right past me so I yell for him. After unlocking my door with the spare key, I thank him humbly and he heads off and I end up sitting in my car thinking. Thank you God, you are the best.

So what do I do? I realize I'm hungry and I head to iHop. LoL. I know right? Don't judge me. haha. "Table for 1" I say as the waiter greets me at the front. He takes me to a booth and I sit there and think - wow, WHAT A LONER! LoL. But, as said before, I'm alone, but never lonely. :) So I order up hot chocolate, an appetizer sampler and a short stack of pancakes (don't you DARE judge me hahahaha). While waiting, and after a brief phone call, I tell myself - oh, let me go through the scripture from today, it'd be a great time to reflect. Yeeeah! So I pull out my bulletin from today and grab my Bible and flip it to Mark 7. The story of the woman who asks Jesus to heal his daughter. Heard this sermon plenty of times, but there's always something different to take each time. So after reading the scripture, I read the spotlight story to the right of the passage (my special women's Bible has spotlight stories from different women with different questions). The spotlight story is about a woman who is strong willed, just like the woman in the story, strong willed to ask Jesus to heal her demon possessed child. After reading the questions began reaching out to me. How was this woman strong willed? How have you been strong willed lately? - Ooooooh, God you is GOOD!!! Like a nail that drills perfectly after 1 pound of the hammer, I was set in place and everything that happened tonight made sense.

Satan is very persistent. Michelle cancelled and so did Monica, and despite me feeling very lonely and a bit shy to head to church on a solo tip, I had to see through it. I almost decided to make up an excuse and not go to church becuase I didn't have anyone accompanying me. Nope, not gonna let Satan win this one, I begin my trip to church. After that, I make it to church and BAM, I lock my keys in my car, with my wallet, my phone and my bible. Feeling completely stranded and helpless, I could have easily ignored church and paid full attention to my car and ended up not going at all because I had to tend to this car issue. Nah man, not gonna let Satan win this one either, I head inside the church becuase this is God's time, not mine. After an hour and a half of waiting for the spare key to get into my car, I could have easily just headed home and slept and blown off every lesson to be learned today, but as I sat there at ihop sipping on hot chocolate, I decided to pull my Bible out, my notebook and bulletin and WAIT... LISTEN... and PRAISE God for helping me defeat Satan. The word spoken to my heart that night came strong, and in perfect timing. How have I been strong willed lately? My will was pretty strong to keep from letting Satan win all night, and what a reward I received after being persistent-errr than Satan. ;) Not only was I persistent there, I began to reflect and realized, I've been pretty strong willed in different areas in my life that don't allign with Gods. Wow, Jesus take the wheel, is it me, or do I feel super convicted right now?... "Convicted, but not condemned" Pepa and Romeo said... the theme for YFC's camp this year. Wow, I didn't' even go to the camp and the theme speaks volumes.

After journaling in my notebook I asked for a box and the check. Boxed up half of the appetizer left, sipped the remainings of my hot chocolate and signed the receipt with a nice tip for the waiter - he was so polite, and kept calling me sweetie. LoL. In addition, he took good care of me (hot chocolate refills) while I was reading my Bible, so I left a $3 tip on my card and the $2 in my wallet that I wanted to give for offering today. I figured, if I couldn't give it to God today, I'll give it for being in the likeness of God, serving with a cheerful heart... I prayed a blessing over him in my thoughts as I walked out the door. There are good days, and there are great days. Despite today starting off lazy and ending up rough, it concluded in being a GREAT day. :)

All in all, the testimony is that, I invited 2 friends to church with high anticipation. Both weren't able to go. I ended up locking my keys in my car but still went to church. I left half the sermon to figure out how to solve the situation. I had to wait an hour and a half in the parking lot after church ended for the spare key. Instead of going home to sleep I went to Ihop to eat and read up on the rest of the sermon. I read the strong-willed spotlight and realized, everything today happened for a reason, and despite the blundrs of the evening and missing half the sermon - I took home a message that really hit it on the money. Satan always presents the obstacles that keep you from going where you're SUPPOSED to go, and doing what you're SUPPOSED to do. Whether we pass of fail at these obstacles, rest assured, Satan will try and come up with another one - Satan is sooooo persistent. But, there is a STRONGER man than he who attempts to plunder all the goods... and through it all, God had me, everything worked out in the end and all was well. :)

So, that's it. The end.

Goodnight, world.

Pregnancy

2009-08-22T12:41:00.000-07:00

Heccccckkkkkkkkkkkk naw I aint pregnant folks!!! In 10 years, inquire, until then, inspire. LoL! jkjkjk.

So, of all days to pick to watch all of my 16 & Pregnant recordings (haha, all 6 eppys, including the finale and Life after Labor)… I pick the day I feel most lonely. Well, I can't really say I'm lonely, I'm just alone, haha. “Lonely” implies that I do not like (or love for this matter) the person that I am with, and since I love myself (in a very confident and non-narcissistic way of course) I will admit, I am simply alone, and not lonely. Since today is my day off. J....

.. ..

Well, now that I’ve tossed the disclaimer out there, I’ll go ahead and proceed with my normal thought provoking blog (as if). J Continuing from my earlier claim of watching 16 & Pregnant, I’ve become completely overwhelmed with emotions. Hhhhyeah? Anyone ELSE get that sudden urge of letting a flippin waterfall rain on down your cheeks? First off, these are young girls, I say girls, because they are still in high school. Such pretty ones, all different shapes, sizes, relationships, backgrounds blah blah. You get the picture. So I’m sitting here and the first thing I think when I watch this show is – “damn, WHATTA life”. One girl sacrificed graduating and joining the Navy for her child. Another girl decided to take on her mommyhood as a single mother (what guts). The most courageous of them all (in my opinion of course) actually gave gave her child a better life through adoption (and to a very wonderful Christian couple who had been trying to have babies for so long). I hate the whole “gave up for adoption” way of phrasing the practice, because there are actually some young teens out there (I’ve come to realize through this show) who realize, they can’t provide, and want to give their child a better life by allowing another couple, a set of “ready-to-be-parents” who are willing to provide full fledged for a child. Amen, and praise the Lord for adhering to wisdom at such a young age. ....

.. ..

With each and every episode I have to admit I’ve done a little bit of judging. Of course, MTV just loves ruining people’s lives through the extensive use of “reality tv” shows that illustrate and exaggerate just how bratty, egotistical, sassy and promiscuous people are. Haha. It’s very funny, lol. One girl (Ebony) remained to be a totally strong woman, as she dealt with the difficulty of getting her boyfriend to grow up. Another girl (Maci) actually went through extreme relationship havoc after her son was born, and damn I just wanted to punch her boyfriend in the face for being super unsupportive (that heffa). Then there’s Catelynn and Tyler, my favorite couple… for why? Perhaps because Tyler was super supportive of Catelynn and he had such an endearing relationship (or so, what was “portrayed” in the show). Anyway, aside from all this, I’m sure the point of MTV portraying these up and coming ladies, soon to be women (with child) was to show that there is a side dish of an extensive and exuberant amount of growth that comes with the entrée of having a child. ....

.. ..

So all the while I’m watching these young girls have children, I think of all the women in this world who can’t have children, and who have been trying for years. Suffice it to say, I’ve known quite a few women in my time who have been unable to have children years and years after they’re blessed marriages have begun, and I sometimes get to thinking about the irony in this world. A throbbing heart deep in my chest cries for women who can’t have children while there are young girls at the innocent and pure age of 16 are popping them out by the dozen. It’s to the point that I’ve almost made it a fear of my own that I may be completely barren and unable to ever be with child. LoL. I dunno, this world is weird and cruel, and that may definitely be a possibility. Go figure, at a time in my life where I’m anxious to get married and have children, I stunt my own future happiness with anxiety and mental thoughts of not being able to produce my own little Dessaliciouses – Well, Dessaliciousos.. because I want boys boys boys, and only 1 girl. After growing up with three brothers and witnessing my life as the only girl, I realize that if I had more than one daughter with even half the traits as I do, I’d really flip my whig. Not that I’m at all difficult to deal with, just that, girls have so much more maintenance to deal with, I would love to only have 1… J great, watch the Good Lord spite me and give me like 12 daughters before ever having a son. LoL. Anyhow, the whole tv show just shed light on this world in many aspects, especially the one I’ve just mentioned.....

.. ..

Another aspect it begs to point out is the absolute beauty of life. I am a freaken sucker for child birth, I cried when Juno gave birth. I cried my freaken eyeballs out, and what for? Have I completely lost my strength and dignity to hold myself together while amongst the citizens of this nation in dier need of sarcastically witted dramedy’s at the box office? SHEESH. I took health my summer going to 9^th grade, I remember it like yesterday. Who taught the class? Mmm, Coach Brooks (applause and cat calls). Yes, every teenage girl’s dream of a health teacher. Masculinely built, a 6’0 piece of brawn with brown hair and captivating eyes, the attitude of a football coach, all about sports, athletes and such, it was hard to learn for some girls at that time. He wasn’t my type, too brawn for me, lol, I see straight through muscles. Anyway, because I had the football coach for health class, we paid no mind to the “miracle of life” when it came to learning that at that young adolescent age. No, we learned about PCP, Gonorrhea, angel dust – basically drugs and sex diseases. Every since then, I’ve always felt like I missed out on that part of my teenage years, lol. Everyone else says they’ve seen the video in health class, and I guess I can thank Coach Brooks for delaying my tears of joy from witnessing the miracle of life. Sheesh.....

.. ..

All these thoughts and all these pregnant women around me just make me want to have a baby. Kinda. LoL. Sometimes I wonder how much advantage I’ll take of eating just because I’m pregnant. Hahahahaha, what a FATTY! I wonder how my parents will react when they find out – Cuz they’re the only ones from both sides of the family that aren’t grandparents yet LoL. I wonder how the world will react, LoL! I know the family is just WAITING on some sort of progression in my life since I’ve graduated college, but of course, the wait is always a staggeringly painful time, now isn’t it, Family? (lol) – I do encourage them all to wait patiently – time is OF THE UTMOST ESSENCE, and everything will come to pass in due time. Of course the sound of whaling hungry infants will definitely be heard much longer after the sound of church bells and Pachelbel cannon in D major for moi. Until then, I guess I’ll dream of little MEs, and cherish the moments that I’m still able to have little ME time aside from work and everything else that consumes me.

.. ..

The end. J....

A woman should have

2009-06-22T11:31:00.000-07:00

*** written June 22, 2009 ***

No this is NOT Maya Aneglou's best poem ever, she didn't even write this poem as a matter of fact. It was written by Pamela Redmond Satan. LoL. Although this isn't really the OFFICIAL checklist of things a woman should have, I do concur with some of these things. ;) Let's see how many checks I get at the end LoL.

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....
enough money within her control to move out
and rent a place of her own,
even if she never wants to or needs to...

[no check. I def don't have that type of money yet. LoL!]

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .... .
something perfect to wear if the employer,
or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour...
[no check... oh wait, you mean the freakum dress? i got that! hahaha. CHECK!]

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ......
a youth she's content to leave behind....
[check. I'm VERY content leaving my legacy behind. lmbo. ok ok, not really a legacy, but I'm content leaving my youthful days behind]

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ... ...
a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to
retelling it in her old age....

[half check. I don't necessarily agree with this, however, I do think one should be able to tell a good life story]

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE . ...........
a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra...
[check. no check. and check check check. LoL. up on game! - mostly lol]

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .... ..
one friend who always makes her laugh... and one who lets her cry...
[check and check. defeinitely have a lot of those]

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .. ....
a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her
family...
[check. With a FATTY bill that needs to be paid. LoL!]

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .. ... .
eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal
that will make her guests feel honoured...
[no check. Since I've only lived with 3 other people, I've only had the 4 ppl sets. haha. but I'll gett to workin on that.]

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE . .... .
a feeling of control over her destiny...
[check. I was born with that feeling.]

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW.. ..... .
how to fall in love without losing herself.
[no check. I'm a wreck. HA! LoL. It's all good, I'm gettin' back!]

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... ........
how to quit a job,
break up with a lover,
and confront a friend without;
ruining the friendship...
[check. check. and super check. I got skillz man!]

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW. .....
when to try harder... and WHEN TO WALK AWAY...
[check. Yes Lord, thank you for that wisdom I always asked for!]

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW. ..... ..
that she can't change the length of her calves,
the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents..
[check. I'm content with the way I look, and if ever I am not, I will do something about it. :) and Momz and Pops? I wouldn't change their nature for the world]

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW.. ........
that her childhood may not have been perfect...but it's over...
[check. LoL!!!]

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW. ...........
what she would and wouldn't do for love or more...
[no check. still getting there. LoL.]

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW.. ...
how to live alone... even if she doesn't like it...
[check. I know how to, and honestly, I like it. :) but I enjoy the company too.]

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW.. .....
whom she can trust,
whom she can't,
and why she shouldn't take it personally...
[check. I've learned the hard way on several occasions, but I cannot control people's mouths or opinions, and I will never try.]

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... ....
where to go...
be it to her best friend's kitchen table...
or a charming inn in the woods....
when her soul needs soothing...
[no check... yet. Still trying to figure that out, since most of my soul healing begins within me.]

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... ....
what she can and can't accomplish in a day...
a month...and a year...

[half check. I think I have a good estimate of time in that sense. lol]

El Torito Goodbyes - Aaron Olsen

2009-05-28T14:25:00.000-07:00

I just got back from El Torito with the rest of the IT Gang. Yes, yet another IT-er that we are letting flee off into the world beyond our basement here in Geisel. I love these little going away luncheons. It begins with everyone rolling into the office a little later than usual. It doesn't really matter because when the token time of 11:00am rolls around, everyone's making their last minute runs to the ATMs outside of Price Center to grab cash for a quick and easy payment on the dreaded group bill at the end of our meals. BLAH. Yeah, patience, I will tell you all about the bill later. :)

So, as usual, I hitched a ride with Arley, Grandpa of the department. He's the hard working old man that walks around with smiley faces, grabbing everyone's hand and squeezing them like they're little tykes, when in fact we're mid 20s and early 30s (which I guess is little tyk-ish compare to his age). Arley always offers to drive, he's such a gentleman. Michelle, JoAnne and I all hop in the car also. JoAnne works in a different department, but she knows Aaron, so she was specially invited my Michelle, the Dept AA.

We all make our way to El Torito, sweet! There's a lunch special, buffet for $8.99. We sit for a good 15 minutes, and finally Declan makes it, while there are already 8 of us there. We order up drinks (Arley is the bravest of us to order a margarita at 12p!) and 85% of end up shootin' for the buffet. I was trying to beast up on the buffet like most Samoans usually do, especially at $8.99, what a deal!!! However, after my first fajita, I slowly grew the satisfaction pain in my stomach of becoming full. Disappointed, I tried to sit there and let the food process in hopes that I could complete another round, nope. Wasn't happening. Declan, Michelle AND Arley got up for Round 2 and I was STILL processing. Finally ate what I could, and left a few grains of rice on the place with the last quarter of my fajita uneaten. I was stuffed. :( Downed a tropical tea and I was ready to sit back and relax and let the food coma take over. Of course by that time everyone had grown into it after their Round 2s and a couple more flakes of chips with salsa.

Eating usually consists of good chatter. They all had great things to say, my little end of the table, with Arley, JoAnne, Michelle and Declan. :) What did we talk about? Only what sparks ANYONE's interest at a dinner table... FOOD (and Beer). It was great, we were talking about Japanese noodles, Pho noodles, sushi in Hillcrest and Poway, Todai and Rei de Gado's brazillian skewers of meat! Of course, during our chatter the bill begins to circulate and before I know it, I'm dishing out a dub from my old and worn out Coach Wallet. I grabbed $6 dollars of change from the pile of cash in the check tablet after asking Michelle how much we add on to our total. I hate group outings with dinner tabs, something ALWAYS comes up with the bill. And to everyone's sarcastic surprise... something did. The bill totaled to to $189 and some change, $150 was collected for the bill, and there were two charges to the credit cards... $18 and $15... hmm... that totals to, $183... ? did someone count the money before we handed it back?... No? yeah, no wonder everyone had to dish out singles like we were at a strip club right before we left the table. Michelle, our trusted AA, didn't even touch the bill, so yeah, that is most likely the reason everything went wrong. But not gravely wrong, $7 short isn't too bad compared to $30. :)

Anyway, I wanted to note how sweet Declan was for pulling out my chair. Yes, he's older and very well mannered, but I wouldn't expect the Dept head to pull out my chair for me while I stood up to head to the buffet line. Samoans grow up in very hierarchical families, we know our place on the totem pole, and we respect those above us. Him doing that just let me know that chivalry does exist. Amen!!! :D Boy how that made my day. It could have been anyone to do it, but just that gesture alone let me feel like a Lady. :)

Yeah, well that's it. :D

have a beautiful day, and good luck to you Aaron on your way out to Georgia to save the world. :D

To kill or not to kill

2009-05-13T14:02:00.000-07:00

Alright, another blogpost from my wandering mind of critical thinkability. My girl Keli posted this question as a note on her facebook, and I responded, and decided to share with the rest of the world my thoughts. Just THOUGHTS... k, thanks. :)

--------------

Keli writes on April 24th...

I was reading about this topic tonight for my online class and decided to see if my lovely fb friends had any opinions on the matter...

Do you think killing in the defense of the innocence, including yourself, is ever justifiable?

AND... my response on May 13th... :)

LMBO. Well, I wasn't exactly tagged in this note, NOR am I responding in a timely fashion, since this note looks to have been posted last month, however, I do want to comment, just because this seems interesting to me and I had, yes, a thought. ;) Is killing in the defense of those who are innocent justifiable. I say, YES. It doesn't depend, there's no meandering through a forest of clouded thoughts of what if, the answer is yes. Many people will first think to God's commandments, "Thou shall not kill" and "Thou shall not murder" however many people fail to realize that God's letter to the world carries on with what the rest of the books in the Bible has to say also. In Ephesians, the Bible tells us that there's a TIME FOR EVERYTHING - yes, it even says there is a time to KILL. If you look at the word KILL in relation to what the Hebrew meaning of "kill" and "murder" meant - it meant to kill with malicious intent aka no good reason. In terms of war, be it called at the right or wrong time, there is a time for it. The Bible also says that we should stand up for those who cannot stand for themselves, speak for those who cannot speak for themselves and etc... aka defend those who are defenseless. Yes we can further complicate this whole discussion with "an eye for an eye would make the world go blind" but I'll just stick to one topic. LoL. This is what ultimately justifies that statement in question. I base my answer solely on the Bible, because from my perspective, it's the only guidance of absolute truth I find in this world. So yes, if there are innocent people dying, we must intercede and fight for those who cannot fight for themselves - and if that means kill those for those that have been killed and defend those who are still alive from BEING killed, so be it. If a child is getting picked on terribly by a bully 5 times his size, would you let it continue? My hope is that you wouldn't. Yes, it actually is as elementary as that, in my thoughts. To illustrate this on a bigger scale, take for instance Adolf Hitler. Had Adolf not been defeated during World War 2, think of how many MORE innocent lives would have been slaughtered at his hand - a complete debacle of destructive events!

My Twin Soul

2009-05-06T02:06:00.000-07:00

You never realize what you have until it's gone.

It's true, and yes to my sisters (Lisha, Vange, Nelley and Moni lol) DISTANCE makes the heart grow fonder.

I anticipated driving home Thursday evening to be with Gramma for one last night, but the freaken kuikui Sao bought ended up melting in my freezer while I was at work, and I didn't want to make the drive from San Diego to Barstow while it wasn't frozen, so I waited. I contemplated even driving home early in the next morning, but I couldn't bare the thought of not being able to sleep with Gramma for one last night, so... I strapped up my laundry and toilries for a long and unwelcomed weekend back home. The clock struck midnight and I was packed and ready to hit the road.

I arrived around 2am, groggy and completely exhausted from work and the drive. I grabbed my heavy laundry hamper from the passenger seat of my car and lugged all 30lbs of it to my front door. As soon as I keyed the door to open, I plopped my hamper on the floor, shut the door, locked it, and headed straight to the bed.

There she was, sleeping, and all I could feel was joy, pain, sorrow and happiness - all in the same breath. It was the most peaceful sight everytime I arrived back home to a bed, half taken by Gramma, becuase she knew I was coming home, and I would always sleep right next to her.

I flicked the lights on quickly and her eyes opened, she smiled. "Auoi, aga fea e sau ai?" I just smiled, and then she smiled back at me. She then motioned me to come over, grabbing a blanket from my side of her bed, trying to lay out it for me to get rest from my long drive. She always thought the drive was much too long, but I always had to assure her that after 5 years, I'm very used to it.

I turned the lights back off and hopped into bed. She made sure her hearing aids were tucked under her pillow. She always did that to make sure she could locate them in the morning to hear. Haha. Thank God for those hearing aids, they worked so much better than the ones she had back in the days... we'd be yelling at Gramma everyday just to communicate with her. I think that's why I'm so loud these days, I never adjusted to normal hearing people. Ha.

As she comfied into her sleeping state, I sat there as she shut her eyes and mumbled a prayer. She always mumbled at night. Sometimes they were prayers, sometimes they were just her thoughts, sometimes she was just talking to herself. I usually just sit there and either laugh at what she's saying in my pillow, or I'll just zone it out to sleep, but not this time. This time was different.

As I laid right next to her, my heart dropped into the depths of my gut, waves of emotion came over me, and sure enough, what used to be a smile turned into a frown of sadness, and tears began gushing out of my eye sockets. There I was... LAYING NEXT TO GRAMMA, IN TEARS. Overcome with so much emotion, I was sobbing so hard the bed kept jerking at my every deep enhale. I tried to calm myself down so as to not wake her from the movement, but I just couldn't help but let out all of my tears that I had been holding in since the Sunday afternoon the family made the decision, that we would stop fighting Gramma against her will, and send her back to Samoa - her wish she had been longing to fulfill far too late within her life. It had been 30 years since Gramma had been in the states when she moved with her children to Hawaii for the better life, and at the end of her days, raising 8 kids, 15 grandkids and a handful of great grandkids, she has finally found herself longing to be in Samoa where her heart is.

My heart aches thinking about how far away she is. It aches more becuase what she means to me, and our history. Gramma raised me from birth while Mom worked full time, and while Dad was out in the field, at war, and stationed at a distant location in the Marines. Gramma took care of us, she fed us, sewed our clothes, fixed our hair, taught us how to speak in Samoan (although that didn't last long). She is literally the best cook I know. No one's - AND I MEAN NO. ONEs. sapasui can compare to hers - and for the record, I haven't tasted sapasui better than the first batch I can remember reating distinctly when I was in 8th grade in Washington. COLD PIE (lol, which is what I grew up calling kopai) isn't the same without Grammas special caramelized sauce. Her upside down pineapple cake is absolutely to die for. No cocoa rice is made with the same amount of love than Gramma's. If her hands were still youthful like her heart was, she'd wipe out every Samoan woman in the sewing business, becuase Gramma had the best taste in style, color and cut for puletasis, mumu'us, i'e faikagas and alohas. She didn't just make what you wanted, she made puletasis that flattered YOU, and better believe she was on point with color contrast and skin tones! That's how I learned all of that. ;) She always made sure I looked neat and had the most unique style - that's how I am everything I am today. She's super goofy too. Youtube made her pretty popular with her BALLIN status of beating me and Jonas at TROUBLE. Dang. She's so random too, at times she'll just do weird things just to make us laugh, like - how is someone that old, still in contact with her funny bone like that? LoL. She's the diva Gramma I mold myself after - just so divalicious!!! LoL! :) Hmm, I wonder where I get it from? jk LMBO. I'm gonna be JUST LIKE HER one day when I'm old and taking care of my kids and grandkids. :)

Gramma's number one question to me "Leata, when are you koing to ket married? Pretty soon I koin' die!". Gee Gramma, way ta put the pressure on me!!! LOL! I swear, it doesn't ever play out for her. To this day, Gramma has never seen any of her grandchildren get married the right way, so because I haven't had a baby and am done with school, she believes that's my next step in life. Oh if I could just have all the money in the world, I'd grant her that wish, but too bad life doesn't work that way. Nor does love, so yeah, haha, NEXXXXXT! LoL. Before she left Friday evening she sat me down while she sat in her chair and she told me she really wishes to see me marry. It touched me the most when she said that she wanted me to get married soon because she wanted to sew for my wedding. I almost cried, that would have been the most awesome thing to have happened. Sadly, Gramma set a very high bar for everything from, fashion to food, to funny and flavor... dang it Gramma, you ruined it for the rest of the world. LoL. Dah well, I'm so thankful. :)

She's a 2nd mother to me, and oddly enough, many times, I can always agree with myself, that she was actually my FIRST mother. She took care of me out of my mother's womb, and I know I grew attached to her since the moment she held me in her arms at birth.

Seeing her go back to Samoa to live, feels like losing a loved one. I won't be able to see her laying on the bed, half empty, waiting for me to hop in, cozy up, stare at her a while, and then fall asleep. She's not here to make me laugh at any of her random words, or outright crazy behavior, because at her age, wow, they just get weirder and weirder! She won't be able to pester me about when I'm going to marry. She's not going to give me the final go on any of my outfits. She's so cute "Oh, niiiiice your dress" lol. I wont be able to see her hobble to the bathroom, or scurry to the ktichen table for her meals. All that is now a fond memory of mine from the very near past.

I've been strong up until my last night sleeping with her. There I cried out so many tears that have been building up, becuase I know that her leaving is what she wants, and so many time, we pain and grieve over things that happen against the way we wish them to. But... she's happy, and how could I ever keep her from being happy?

I don't regret any moment with her, I saw the pain in her teras and her face the day she was leaving. She held us tight, she shed tears as she held her kleenex to her wet eyes. She gave us her blessings to find someone who would treat us well and marry us. She prayed for our lives, she apologized for missing out on anything important from here on out, because she'd be in Samoa, but at the end of the day, we know, all wil be well when she touches down in Samoa. She said her heart is in Samoa, but the sad thing about that, is that she's my heart, and now she's in Samoa too, so I guess my heart is in Samoa.

I love you, diva Gramma. My prayer for my Gramma is that she may live her ending years in happiness, where her heart is, in Samoa. I also pray that my wedding day is one that comes BEFORE the Lord takes her to be with Him. I also pray that she doesn't hesitate to call us and tell us she wants to come back to Cali, because I will fa sho put her ticket on my credit card and fly out here in a jiffy! haha. I pray for her good health and well being while she enjoys herslef the way God meant for her to, and that is, breathing the fresh air she once breathed when she was born, walking the same paths she walked growing up, sitting in the same home she sat in while she was raised, and just living happily ever after.

Lord, watch over my Gramma - she's my heart... not only that, she's my twin soul.

Amen,

Dessarina Leata Niusulu

BALLLLLINNNNN!!!!

LoL. She'd always do this just to make us laugh.

See, what did I tell ya, just goofy and random!

Her teddy bear she named after herself, Pepa. haha.

Diva Gramma!

Sex. Cheating. Men. God.

2009-04-27T10:56:00.000-07:00

Sunday was a great day, and better yet it was one of those days where you really take a Sabbath and just sit back and relax.

After a long day of absolutely nothing but laziness, I was graced with the presence of an old colleague. Yolanda Richards and her co-workers, Elani and Mercedes came into our humble abode and we just began choppin' it up about the usual things we ALWAYS talk about: Beyonce and why we can't stand her personality despite the great albums she makes and the amazingly talented artist that she is; Education and the wild life of being a student on edge about trying to figure out their passion; Old colleagues that really leave us boggled with their outlandish personalities; and then there's the discussion about DUDES... and that's, of course, when it gets interesting.

Upon reflecting with my sisters about Steve Harvey's book, Act Like A Lady Think Like A Man, the issue of cheating and unfaithfulness surfaces. We all know it happens, we all know it's devastating, we know HOW men (and women!) do it, but we just can't figure out WHY?! WHY do they do it?

My answer: Men simply cheat because they CAN. Women do so for the same reason. Let's just say that for every 1 female that has her head on correctly, knows what she wants in life, is accomplished and dignified and deserves NOT to be cheated on - there's about 1,000 females who are ready to pounce on a man that has something valuable such as that, that 1 in 1,000 females. Let's face the reality. There are females out there that just do not have the respect for themselves or for other females that are willing to allow themselves to be the cheatee of a man. This is really nothing to be disgusted at or pitied, this is just the reality. Men simply cheat on their wives and significant others because there is simply a pool of women that are down for the cause.

Let's take it a step back... men do this because they are different from women. They have different minds as women do. Men and women are like apples and oranges - 2 fruits with completely different tastes. Though similar in make up, WE are NOT ALIKE. While a man can have sex emotion-free with a female that he met at a club, a female will have sex with a man and feel completely emotionally engaged with a dude, as one. Now, yes I am sort of generalizing on a man who cheats, but let's just be real, this is as real as it gets. Even if a man has a loving girlfriend who would do anything for him, he will still sleep and have sex with a female, HOWEVER - he may not be thinking of this girl he's having sex with, he would most likely be thinking of his girlfriend. Men are so talented aren't they? That they can do that? POKER face while having sex. Have sex with a throw back female (after the sex, he'll throw her back with the other "plenty of fish in the sea" females), just for his feel good, while thinking about his loving girlfriend/wife at home, who doesn't have a clue.

This is so odd! It really is, if men can ALWAYS find a female that will do the job for him, on a temporary status, what is it about his girlfriend or wife that simply can't fulfill the satisfaction? Why must he always step out on his girl?

There's a void there... what is it?

Yolie said it, and she said it VERYYY well...

IT'S GOD.

??? What??? Are you tellin' me that my man steps out on me because he doesn't love God?

YES... that's exactly what she was saying.

A man that actually and truthfully loves God would know that God intended one person for another one person. He would know that marriage is a sacred bond, formation of two into one, created by God. He would respect and honor a female as he does God. A man founded on God would know that he cannot step out on his wife or girlfriend, because he NEEDS not - God is really the only intervention for a man's sexual appetite. Despite whatever his issue his, God can and will provide and heal a man from all of that.

So my girls and I sat back and pondered... Dang, I guess we really can't expect to fill a void that is unattainable, because we can't really compete with GOD now, can we? No -- Simply stated.

My girls and I came to the conclusion that we need a man of God. That way, he'll already have the right instincts of how a man should treat a woman, and it will just trickle to the female, and she'll know how to treat her man back. God is a great foundation, and it is exciting to finally know the truth.

Okay, so not every man who doesn't cheat is a believer of God... BUT, even if he doesn't believe in God and he HASN'T cheated on you before - it doesn't mean he has to be a believer in God to be in the likeness of God. We see God through plenty of people who don't really know God... it's just a matter of time. ;)

Just my thoughts for the day. :)

KICK(my@$$)BOXING class yay!

2009-04-16T16:05:00.000-07:00

LoL. The title literally says it all. Yes folks, I'm back on the workout grind? Why? Cuz I will not be completely content with myself until I hit 175. LoL! How much could I weigh now? I'll just leave that up to you to keep guessing.

Rec classes started back up last week. Thank God, 3 weeks of laziness has really taken a toll on my endurance level. Yeah, tell me about it! I've maintained the weight, but now I'm trying to get back into the groove of "GRIND in '09" and "KEEP PUSHIN". I am steadily winding back down to eating better, or with a conscious. These past couple of weeks, I've definitely thrown myself off, I'm trying to get into the habit of getting back to cooking my own meals, LoL. Although, I will have to admit that since Dario has been gone, I've been doin' a lot better. HAHAHA. :)

Anyway, yeah kickboxing is straight up kickin' me in the arse. :) Let's not mention that the instructor is super intense and is almost the exact replica of a Marine Drill Instructor! WHAT THE? I know right, at times I feel like I'm just bein' weak, but I know it will all pay off in one way or another.

That's that for the day. :)

Unfinished

2009-04-04T14:03:00.000-07:00

I made phone call after phone call after phone call.
Did he bother to pick up at all? I didn't hear anything but what used to be a soothing voice that used to put a smile on my face, for a second I missed being embraced, because up until the very second I would hang up the phone, I waited anxiously to square things away with hope that he would pick up the phone.

What crime did I commit? Being a great girlfriend - beyond the best of my ability, and if you think of the reality, he's lucky I went after him to give him MY sincerity. Oh yes, Dessarina DID, in fact, pursue the almighty Conan, if you can believe that. Intrigued by his delightful conversations, of yes "stimulated intellect" that led me to hit the button of select, and make him MY prize. Hoping one day he'd give me a full ride, hassle free from the pain I had already encountered, but yet, in the fading of his self given description, someone lost the inscription...

Woe is me?

2009-03-27T11:01:00.000-07:00

For the past 5 years I have given almost everything I had away. In accumulation I've given more than just 5 years of my life away. My TIME, my love, my life, my money, my dreams, my hopes, my generosity, my kindness, my friendliness - my BEST... and my heart.

It is very sad that it has come to such an ending like this. Here I am, eager to explore another unknown world. Why is it so unknown? Because I've become so foreign to a world on my own where I care only for myself. How do I know how to care for everyone other person in the world except for myself? Why do I give my BEST to others and cannot give my best to MYSELF? This is how my insides get scarred in the hopes that the golden rule will be played. Treat others as you want to be treated right? Hmmm, that's no so much a fair trade off, because not EVERYONE plays by the rules. I mean, I always try to.

What malfunctioned in all of those years of seeing such heartbreak and happiness? Did I forget to press Record so that I could replay what TO DO and what NOT TO DO? Did I forget to Save these memories? Why am I NOW looking into my files of the past and finding out that hey... looky here Dess! All this has happened before! WOW Dess. What a magnificent discovery that you are REPLAYING history! Did you NOT take enough political strategy classes to know that you should not replay the bad parts of history?!

I am some how overcome with bitterness to do some unthinkable things, however, I am being very careful to not replay other people's history. I'm throwing in the towel on all the love crap. Okay, it's not CRAP, but that match of love and hate for rounds and rounds until no end, ding ding ding, is over. I guess I can dip in the unknown and really appreciate this time that I have to myself.

I can only give so much TIME until abuse shatters the hour glass. What do ya know, the second hour glass I sat here in stupidity watching, waiting to see time restart. Sitting, staring in anxiety as I sat at the end of the table with my head rested upon my palms on the table. Tears streaming from my eyes waiting... and waiting.

Then of course, when the glass breaks there's always a rush of SUDDEN remorse to grab the pieces that are left - wishing there was glue to put it all back together. Not this time, I'm not replaying history again.

So many mistakes. Not one regret. I can't be too upset, right? The lesson is learned for me. 2nd time around is easier, after all, what's another heartbreak to a heart that has ALREADY been broken before!?! LoL! Jeepers, I really need to write a book. So, here's to the ending of sleepless nights of broken promises, hate words, tears, reopened wounds with salt, and the like.

NO MORE.
It's ME time.

Frustrated On-Looker

2009-03-18T16:17:00.000-07:00

Every day after work I ride the shuttle back home. It's not too bad, at first I was super skeptical about doing so, only because... I don't know, I hadn't taken the shuttle around San Diego for that purpose.

Anyhow, not many things happen on the shuttle. Once I arrive to the shuttle stop, there's usually a long winding centipede of students waiting in line, eager to get home after long days of class and such. This time - no line, SWEET! I'm gonna get home in good timing. Lolly-gaggin' my way on to the bus, I am searching for a seat towards the back entrance. I usually like to sit in the first seat in the front, but it was to no avail at this moment, so I had to proceed to the back. Right across from the back exit there are three seats facing the door. I saw one girl sitting on the far left seat reading a book. YES! I thought, and I scurried my way to the far right seat.

Sitting there I began looking out the window, watching the pavement run to the right side of the window as we passed. Usually, I mind my own business while on the bus - my bus rides usually consist of me blasting my ipod beyond eardrum handle-age and I just sit there and fall into a deep trance between the music and I. This time, I failed to remember to grab my iPOD off the jack in my room, so I was forced to entertain myself with the bus riders that accompanied me.

As I sat there, I looked over to the girl sitting two seats away. She was reading a book - what kind of book? I have no idea, nor did I really care after I saw what she was doing to the book. As she sat there reading this book, she would crumple the corners and edges of each page she read. IT WAS FRUSTRATING!

Granted, I do know that at times, there are people who need to focus by fiddling with something while they are speaking in public, or something of that nature, but this act, this type of behavior was absolutely absurd! She kept doing it. As she read page 113, she crumpled the right hand corner profusely, and then insisted on trying to straighten the corner after doing so, while still reading. As if she hadn't ruined the book already. She even, at one point, tore one of the pages slightly, and tried to piece it back together with some imaginary glue she thought her fingers could secrete at the fingertips when she tried to put the page back together. UGH! I work at the Library, and although I don't specifically deal with books, I take it to heart the preservation of library materials. So what if that may have been her personal book, that is just untidy and oddly disrespectful to the book! It's bad enough books are highlighted! There she went, proceeding to page 113, and her left hand began crumpling away at the left edge. I tried to resist my eyes growing into the size of golf balls with frustration as I watched from two seats away. There I was, onlooking this wretched habit, squeezing my hands, restraining them from grabbing out to the book to save the poor thing!

I ended up pulling out my phone to mass text a few of my girlfriends. I had to release this anger some how. It was all too weird, and I figured that venting to someone completely neutral would be the perfect way to go about channeling my feelings.

All the girls I texted agreed with the strange behavior. I just sat there the rest of the bus ride, staring out the window, still hearing the faint and distinct sound of her crumpling pages, and trying to smooth them out, when the page had obviously already been destroyed.

My thought for today. Even though this totally happened some time last. :)

Act Like a LADY... Think like a man. ;-)

2009-03-13T15:53:00.000-07:00

Aight, haven't done one of these in a while, but for all of those women who need to be empowered and strengthened by a man (if it ain't your own)... THIS.IS.FOR.YOU.

BOOKREVIEW

First off, let's start with the mere fact that this book is written by one of the most talented enterainers in the business, Steve Harvey. Look at him, with his shiny bald head, delectible dimples and sharp white suit. Doesn't he LOOK like he knows what he's talkin' about? I mean, COME.ON! :D

If you thought you had men figured out, please take a look at this book and see if your views allign with Steve's. Seriously, I'm not an expert, but this book really breaks it down for you in terms of men. :)

Men - they are about 3 things, and 3 things only ladies. Who they are, what they do, and how much they make. Until they figure out all three of these things, they do not have time for you. In essence, we ladies want them to know this before hand right? Right... check. Thank you Steve Harvey, I applaud you for breaking that down so effortlessly.

You will know a man loves you by 3 distinct things - 3 P's: Profess, provide, protect. Yes ladies, if he hasn't claimed you in at least 90 days, drop him like it's hot, because there's no use in burnin' your hands for the next dude that wants to come along and hold it. Every man likes to claim what is his, whether it be a car, shoes, clothes, a nice phone - and better yet, his lady. If you have no title within 90 days, give or take a month or two, he needs to be LEFT. Men, always want to provide for their women. It's in their "DNA" as Steve states it. They want to shower you with gifts, they WANT to build that manlyhood of knowing that they can give you what you want, they are seriously driven on that fact that when you need something that is of the absolute essence (or not, in some cases) they can provide for you. Let him pay for that dinner, do not take half the bill, and allow him to shower you with gifts. We need to quit the indenependence ladies, it's not attractive when we are doing a man's job for him - why? Because he'll end up leaving you. What's the use of having a man when you can do everything he does for yourself, and WANT to, all the time? Stop it. In addition, men want to protect. Protect what's his, what's yours, whatever needs to be protected. He wants to do that because men are built on that notion that they are strong leaders and must always take care and protect you from harm.

Men - need 3, and only 3 things from us women - Support, Loyalty and, get this, The "Cookie". Support your man in all that he does, do no throw in his face how imperfect he is, do not throw in his face how much better you are at life than him, and most of all, do NOT throw in his face that you can do anything greater than him because he can't amount to anything. All men need to know is that we can support them throughout their endeavors, even if that means for us to step back and think - "Wow Babe, you're REALLY dreaming BIG" about him thinking that he can rule the world. In a man's heart, he can do whatever he sets his mind to, and providing that support for him allows him to achieve great things. Not only do they need our support, they need our loyalty. They need to know that when a 250, 6'4, light brown hazel eyes, ripped 6 pack with bulging muscles walks in with a fine edge up, you aren't going GAGA for the eye candy. He wants to be able to feel comfortable to see some chocolate, mocha, vanilla, anything piece of goodness walk in, and still know that his girl is ALL.ABOUT.HIM. Give him that secruity in knowing, that you ain't goin' NOWHERE! :) Lastly, the COOKIE. Oh yes, the cookie. Give him the cookie, he works hard, he puts up with your crap on the daily, and he makes every attempt to profess, provide and protect you! Now, I'm not saying be an easy piece of candy and give yourself in a matter of minutes. Once he proves himself to be a great guy, go ahead and grant him that cookie ladies - you know he's dying for it! ;)

I love this book. It makes things so simple, since we women tend to complicate things. Men are completely different creatures than we are, and the reason we find ourselves so upset with him when we expect change and blah blah is because he doesn't see love like we do. Women are nurturers, we care for him, go through hell and high water to the ends of the world to see that he is happy... he just wont do that in return. A real man will figure out his own first, and then shower you with love in a different way. We can't expect that they will completely reciprocate the same kind of love that we give, cuz they simply don't give it that way!

PLEASE READ THE BOOK. It's amazing.

A+ Steve, I love it. ;)

3 Ps

2009-03-11T14:18:00.000-07:00

it's so clear now.

3 p's

profess.
provide.
protect.

if he's lackin in one, he don't love you.

a real man will find any way to profess, provide and protect, even if he is without the means to do it the way he thinks it should be done.

have you done your 90 day evaluation?
maybe it's time to do so...

act like a lady, think like a man.
i'm on it.

Odd. Strange. Peculiar.

2009-03-09T15:37:00.000-07:00

So I had a very odd day the other day, and I only now am remembering to blog about it. Here goes.

The other day, I decided to have lunch with the bestie who works up the hill on campus at Rady, Jules. Before heading out to lunch with her, I tell her that I am going to grab some chips to accompany my boring sandwich - so off I go, moseying my way to the Sunshine Sotre (how ironic since their prices don't necessarily always bring sunshin into my life). As I saunter behind the Geisel building, I see JoAnn from Facilities and I wave. What a chipper soul she is, enjoying her lunch in solitdue, and breaking silence to shout a "Hey Dess!". I wave and smile and leave her be, hoping I didn't ruin her lunch or her lovely vegetarian sandwich that she was snacking on.

I walk up the hill towards the Sunshine Store and I hear this soft and dainty voice from behind me saying, "Excuse me, hello?" and I think to myself, Turn around idiot, she's talking to you - only, I was saying that to the person I thought she was talking to (not me) only to find out, the voice crept closer to my sound perameters and became more clear - she was actually talking to me. I turn around puzzled and see this skinny asian girl, stood about 5'3, if that, terribly dyed brown hair, parted from the left side and almond shaped eyes. When our eyes meet she asks me this weirdest thing...

"Does this outfit look weird to you?" - she asked with a light asian accent. I paused in disbelief. Did this girl really have the guts to ask some random stranger about her outfit? My! The world and the confidence it dares to instill in people today, it's mind boggling! There was nothing wrong in her asking me this simple question, however, I did find it excitingly interesting that she was not confident in her outfit that she fixed up perhaps, at the break of dawn when most students wake up here on campus, BUT she was indeed confident enough to ask a total and completely random stranger! I smiled and laughed lightly inside.

After running my thoughts out of my mind to concentrate on her outfit, I scanned my eyes up and down her 5'3 stack of asian persuasian. She looked no different than the typical asian from out of the US, with a highly keen sense of asian fashion - the edgy, dangerous, potentially misconstrued by a typical American type - the if-I-were-skinny-and-had-the-money type of outfit. She wore a normal black cotton girl tee, with a red plaid skirt that feel right off of her slendor pelvic area, laying above her mid thighs, accompanied with black leggins with... wait... WHAT.IS.SHE.WEARING? Brown uggie boots?! There is no brown on her entire outfit, nor does the shade of brown (brown bear kinda brown - haha, I know, that may not help at all) even appear on any accessory that she is wearing. I literally drew my head back and thought to myself - Honey, the boots? What were you thinkin? - I'm not fashionista at all, I do try, and have many failed attempts in retrospect but, I know one thing - match the shoes with something - a bracelet, necklace, headband.. Wait! It matches! It matches her HAIR! Relief, I didn't have to be superficially judgmental anymore, I saw her intent with the brown uggies. :) Beautiful.

I looked at her and smiled - "No...? :)" Score.

I figured she deserved it - for having courage to holler at me from behind to give her the go, for having the confidence to put the outfit on and walk out of her home, for having the audacity to match the boots with her hair. How could I refrain from empowering her to know that she made the right decision? I had to okay it, she didn't look terrible, but she didn't put together an outfit that I would have - granted in some cases, that's a good thing! In this case, and in my opinion, definitely not. LoL.

She smiled with content and confidence, and courage and walked about her daily walk to campus, drippings with viscious ticks of fashion envy, fashion police (wannabes) and fashionistas. I felt kind of good, even though I totally didn't agree with her outfit, she didn't looke completely WEIRD, but had her own sense of style, I couldn't hate on that, could I have? :)

Random post for the day.

Yay. :)

Demetrius Samu Panapa

2009-03-02T15:29:00.000-08:00

Demetrius is heeeeeeerrrreeee!

My bday baby twinzie!!! Born Feb. 26th 2009, 23 years after the best cousin he'll ever have in his entire lifetime... :)

9lbs 7oz and 21inches, God's blessing, Demetrius Samu Panapa (formerly Demetrius Lefefeisefaalavelave Panapa) graced the earth at UCSD's Scripps Memorial Hospital at 8:20am, born to the Parents Saogalemu and Florine Panapa.

He's beautifully light skinned, with a mean mug, a head full of crop with big feet and big hands. I am so happy for Sao and Flo and I wish them many blessings on their newest addition to their family! :)

Phil's BBQ? check

2009-02-22T14:21:00.000-08:00

I heard about this place from several people, sporadically throughout my time here in San Diego. Finally when Christina mentioned it to me I decided that I would put it on the to-do list, to ensure that I continue to expand my experiences here in Daygo...

Before going, I decided that I would visit it online to familiarize myself with the menu before I get there. So I did, aight, I'm gettin' the ribs, but do I want chicken too? We'll see when I get there...

I get there, and good Lord! The line was wrapped around the building! What the? This is a restaurant - but the wait wasn't like a friday night at Cheesecake Factory or anything, it was literally like a line at a club or something...

Anyhow, the food was great. The meat fell right off the bone, great corn, delicious onion rings, tangy bbq sauce, god fries. Super full off of half my plate. In due time I will take the boys there, lol. yeah, that's def the spot for them.

Phil's bbq? Check. ;)

2009-02-22T14:19:00.000-08:00

Hosted By:
Double Ds!!! Del and Des!

When:
Thursday, February 26, 2009

Where:

Description:
Order up a full weekend with Del and Des, hold the drama, heavy on the fun, and an extra side of craziness! It's our birthday, folks! Join us to celebrate! Feb. 26th - Dessarina's round 3 of 21!!! Feb. 27th - Adeile's 25th birthday!!!

Who: Grown folks 21+ sorry kids, in due time ;-)

What (to wear): All black, anything black, something black, just no bright colors.

Where: The Great San Diego!!!

When: Thur, Fri, Sat

26th: Altitude Sky Lounge - Downtown

27th: Sin Nite Club - Downtown San Diego (send your name to get on the guest list by 2/26 - free before 10:30p)

28th: Moondoggies - Pacific Beach - free cover!

Why: We say... why NOT?! ;-)....

Aima Irene Amituanai

2009-02-11T12:22:00.000-08:00

She's here!!! Awww, she's beautiful. 9lbs, 10oz, 21 inches! Donovan and Elenoar's new blessing!!!! Isn't she just lovely? Conan says she has Donovan's nose, but I seriously can't tell, and probably wont for another couple of weeks. :)

Baby has come a LONG way, and everyone has anticipated her arrival. And now she's HERE! :D

I pray for Donovan and Elenoar that they may parent her with good morals just like they were. Glory be to God for his beautiful miracles of life. :)

Still awake. Why? :-D

2009-02-07T01:56:00.000-08:00

Well, today I completed the first book of Stephanie Myers Twilight series... I must add that I am utterly in love with this book. Fantasy, yes, but I am so drawn to the way she uses romance within this teen novel. I watched the movie before I read it, but reading the book afterwards was quite satisfying. I just finished it a couple hours ago and decided that I would watch the movie. I can definitely see why it was an upset for many of the Twilighters out there, however, I do want to point out that it was still great. The book of course was better, way more details, and more emotions. I definitely cried on a few parts. :)

Can't wait to start on the 2nd book. :)

yay twilight.

Yackity YACK. Don't come back, CAP'N!

2009-02-04T14:33:00.000-08:00

Given the fact that I am not a lightweight at all, I didn't see any real reason not to drink as heavily as I did Thursday night after going out with the boys. I went out last Thursday with the usual Thursday Meeting Members: Dario, Bobby, Tony - new members, LaLa (dude) and Lawrence. Only, this time I didn't want to go out. I had just got done eating Korean food with Dario and I wasn't really up for going out, but he gave me the puppy dog face and paid for my dinner so I decided that in light of him being so polite, I'd go ahead and go out.

Nothing bad right? I slipped on a normal pair of jeans, and a shiftmade tank top that had brown bamboo wooden pieces that broke (thus I had to tie the strings of the tank top to ensure the top wouldn't fall off). No heals for me, with two un-fully healed ankles, there's no way I was going to chance it, yet. ;) I really only had a couple of drinks, and didn't really feel the good buzz until an hour after we had gotten to PB (yes, the typical Thursday night venue for mid-20 folks in San Diego). The night went super well, a couple of violent blunders with a few of the guys, but nothing I was involved with, and everyone was okay for that matter, so nothing to worry your pretty little head about.

Anyhow, I hopped in the car to leave PB and woke up already parked in the garage of my apt complex. I quickly ran myself to my apt to strip down and throw on some pj's to get straight to rest (WORK IN THE MORNING!).

I woke up with the meanest headache and hangover ever. WHAT? HOW? I've done this plenty, had a good buzz Thursday night and went straight to work on Friday, and now this? Shameful! I was sitting in my bed, I woke up at my alarm and ran straight to the shower. It usually helps but it was to no avail at this time. Terrible. I got dressed and went straight to bed. I couldn't even call in sick, why? Because I called in sick last week Friday! :( I dared not to make this look like a habit, so I merely made notice to my student workers that I'd be coming in late. Still feelin irritable and terribly sick, I called up the bf to ask him to sing me a song. His voice always soothes my soul, and although sometimes it doesn't cure the pain, it just makes me feel that much better because, well, his voice is beautiful and he sang to me when I needed it most. :)

What happened? He was eating. Err, awkward, do I beg? Yes. I did even though I shouldn't have. He merely made it a point to tell me that I need to woman up to my fault of drinking over my limit and deal with my pain. Definitely NOT the response I was looking for. Awkwardness filled the air of which I breathed while waiting at the bus stop with this still, terribly aching head pain. Tears flushed from my eyes as I tried so strongly to hold on to how much I needed the song, his soothing voice, but would beg no longer - he should already know how I feels when I ask him to sing to make me feel better - I don't do it all the time, but I have done so in the past and haven't been graced with the evil lip for it. So, I let him go and headed on the rest of the day with myself.

At work, feeling tired and terrible. I yacked 5 times without any kind of regard to anyone standing outside the door waiting to use the restroom. I definitely needed asprin, a hug (or song for that matter) and a toothbrush. I quickly AIMed Michelle expressing my discomfort for being at work with this pain, she smiled, laughed, and comforted me by taking me out to lunch and walking me outside for more air. We got to eat gyros, but still I felt terrible. The pain sat at the top of my tummy, waving back and forth, I could barely move when I got back to my desk. All I could think of was how much I wanted to be home, and see my family.

In conclusion I think it was the Captain Morgan that created this ill experience. Never again. I've now graduated from Cap'n Mo and Patty Ron. UGH. I'm seriously contemplating quitting drinking altogether. lol.

anyway, my rant for the day. :)

25 Random Facts. :)

2009-02-01T23:27:00.000-08:00

So, I was tagged up for this a couple of days ago, and I've just consumed 45 precious minutes of my time reading 10 other "25 random facts" about other people. I feel like I know them so well now. LOL!

And now to be completely aligned with the rest of the ducks, I will proceed with MY 25 random facts.
Brace yourself. LoL.
-----
RULES: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, and/or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 random people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.
-----

1. Some of my guilty pleasures include: watching bootleg movies, McD's chocolate milkshake and fries, Nutella sandwiches, whole milk (hellz yes I drink it THICK!), hot cheetos, butter, Vienna sausage and Lance Bass. Ewwl, I know. He was the only one left out of the NSYNC crew that my friends didn't have crushes on. LoL. Somehow I made his geeky blonde hair and blue eyes appealing enough to have a button with his face on it, on my backpack. All of 6th grade (don't judge me folks)

2. It really irritates me when people call me Desiree, after I JUST introduced myself as DESS.A.RI.NA.

A brief summary of how this conversation typically occurs...

Person A: Hey [Person B], this is my friend Dessarina! (I smile and stick my hand out for a nice firm hand shake - notice, my name has already been said).

Person B: Hi! What's your name again? (shaking my hand, looking directly at my face smiling - stunned by my immaculate, God-created, luminescent beauty)

Me: Dessarina. (second time emphasizing that my name is DESSSSSSARINAAA - smiling, with such pleasure, such ease, hoping with extreme anxiety that Person B will NOT call me Desiree)

Person B: Ah! Nice to meet you! So, Desiree, do you... (blah blah blah blah blah - that's the end of my listening to THAT person 'cause obviously, after my name being stated TWICE, they were NOT listening at all - Ugh, so irritating! :(

3. I can recite all the books of the Bible - but only in Samoan, in less than a minute. Good ol' Samoan Sunday school teachers! They made us learn it all in one class for Sunday School to recite in front of the whole congregation, and man, either she was super pushy or I just wanted to be a rockstar, because I learned it and it stuck ever since... I think I just wanted to be a rockstar student. Hehe. It's the super overachiever that used to live within me... Keywords: USED TO.

4. One day, when I (or my chosen husband for that matter) make a filthy amount of MONEY money, I want to have an aquarium that has lights as the ceiling in my master bedroom. It'd be cool, when all the lights are out, the ceiling would light up the room with beautiful colors from the blue water and pretty fish. :) I don't know if I can quite explain it. Don't know if it's actually physically possible, but I'm gonna go ahead and be a McDonald's kid and say hey, it could happen!

5. I used to write short stories as a young girl, and have secretly always dreamed of being a journalist or author. It just blows me away how people can make millions with their imagination.

6. I don't like fresh brownies. I like them a day or two old. I'll purposely leave them out after being baked without a cover to harden and enjoy them the morning after for breakfast.

7. Ever since my high school lipsync performance with my two besties (Rox and Jules) of "Cheetah Sisters" - yes, by the Cheetah Girls - I've been mildly obsessed with leopard, cheetah and zebra prints. It's so true! My first college bed spread in college was cheetah. LoL! And in remembrance of those days, I wanted to post this video and pay tribute to my cheetah girls (Rox and Jules)! (I'm so cool and yes, I DO own the movie on DVD!)

Click here to see this recorded performance!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LcZarWaYYik

8. I enjoy wiggling my toes and cracking my toe knuckles (like I right am now)

9. I have a very strange fascination with prettily shaped eyebrows (Princess can agree). Middle eastern women's eyebrows?! Absolutely gorgeous.

10. If I could sing any genre of music for monetary profit, I'd sing jazzy slow, sad, love songs. I'm not emo at all, but there's a personal resonance I have with deep wounding lyrics with flat keys. I just absolutely love it.

11. I've charmed my way out of several kinds of tickets - speeding ticket, crossing 2 sets of double lines when trying to make a left turn out of a parking lot in Convoy, driving in the opposite direction on a one way street, and making a left turn at a red light while no one was around (although I wasn't driving, but I did do MOST of the charming to get us out of that jam). I'm such a stud. ;-)

12. If I could learn any language and speak it fluently (other than my native tongue) I'd learn Tagalog and Korean. I am seriously contemplating taking classes at a JC at Mesa or Miramar.

13. I have secretly always wanted to star in the Shakespearean plays Romeo and Juliet and Hamlet - even though I scarcely remember what Hamlet was about.

14. I can paint with my feet... it may not look like art to you, but who are you, Picasso?

15. Within the past 5 years of owning a laptop and taking every single note for classes SINCE my second week of college, I have conditioned my hand muscles to be almost completely incapable of writing more than 10 words without aching. It's hard to write checks for rent! And it aint because my rent is high! My hand muscles cramp up when I write, and this began WHILE I was in my second year of college. MMDUB MIDTERMS and FINALS? THE WORST!

16. Laughter is my everyday cough medicine - I can and will find a way to make you laugh - because I like to share my cough medicine. And somehow, after making someone laugh just once, I get this overwhelming sense of accomplishment, as if I won a gold Olympic medal... it's a serious matter.

17. No matter how much rest I've gotten, I will almost ALWAYS fall asleep in the passenger's seat. I'm still trying to figure out what it is about the right side of the car that weighs down my eye lids. LoL. Sorry folks, count me out as co-pilot. Just let me drive.

18. Sophomore year in high school I shamefully cheated on an extra credit assignment of reciting Abe Lincoln’s Gettysberg Address. A friend was too chicken to use his cheat sheet (the address printed on black paper with orange font taped to the back of The Elephant Man book) thus I felt it would be courageous and daring to recite it and get away with it. Mrs. Reeb was overcome with great shock - she congratulated me and gave me full credit (5 pts). The terrible part about it was that I actually did have it memorized but I freaked out. Yeah, I said it - and I'm not proud, but then again, who ever IS about something that occurred when you were young, dumb, and irresistibly stupid.

19. I give my trust to folks very easily, I give it like so -- Here's your A at 100%. It's up to you to keep it or lose it - similar to innocent until proven guilty. I learn very well with trial by error. "Trial by error" reminds me of my 8th grade Algebra teacher Mr. Schmitt. Eww.

20. I am in love with my phone (Blackberry Bold)... no, literally I am. The morning after I got it, I woke up extra early JUST to look at it. Conan gets jealous 'cause he says I'm ALWAYS on it, fiddling with the features, the games, texting, GPSing, googling... etc. Poor guy, he just wants quality time... I just want quality time... with my phone.

21. I truly believe that your first love is your last. Love endures, that's what the Good Book says, and if a relationship didn't work out, what was it? Love? Definitely not, it was lust. Lusting for something that wasn't rightfully yours to begin with. I paid my dues in learning this, the hard way - that's okay though, I'm tough enough to call it a BLESSON ( HEHE, get it? Blessing and lesson put together). The day my dad hands me away to another man he trusts to love me MORE than he does is the day I will truly know who my first love is (yes I am thinking ideally that my marriage will workout forever - aint no prenumpt action goin' on here!).

22. When I was a child, I used to freeze any edible liquid and take a spoon, mash it like a slushi, and eat it (I grew up in the desert with no 7-11s)

23. In my teenage adolescent days, I used to record music videos on VHS, rewind and replay to learn the hip hop dances -- the one I remember the best is J.Lo's song "I'm Real".

24. If one day I lose my sanity and decide to get a tattoo without the peer pressure of being trendy, I will get a replica of the black panther (or is it a leopard? tiger maybe?) tattoo’d on my dad’s arm - on my back left shoulder. Highly unlikely, but I have thought about it. I like tattoos on guys, not on girls. If it's on a girl, I think it's super sexy where you CAN'T see it. Another random fact while on the subject, although it may seem super trashy, I think it's SO sexy when a dude has a tattoo on his neck. I know right? It's the inner thug in me.

25. I don't speed. I drive with an urgency. ;) There is something exhilarating about getting from point A to point B in the least amount of time possible. I rarely EVER drive on the freeway below 80 - and yes I have already learned my lesson with a speeding ticket.

The end. That was harder than I thought. LoL! :D

Honey crystals.

2009-01-29T15:34:00.000-08:00

Learned something new today from my own handy dandy googling skills.

I work on the first floor of a library which is located underground and in a cellar/dungeoun type area. Dealing with technical parts and the like, the room always has to stay at a cool and almost FREEZING temperature so as to not overheat any of our wires, or machines, etc. Anyhow, to aide myself in keeping warm, aside form this Polo throw that I've had since 10th grade sitting here on my chair, I decided to bring in tea bags and honey to sip on and sooth my frozen soul.

Just recently I started to see crystals forming at the top of my honey jar (located at the feet of the upside down honey bear). I thought to myself... eww? is that even safe? So I finally decided to google it and figure out if I've been poisoning myself with this honey in my tea or not...

Turns out I haven't. When the honey loses moisture it begins crysalizing because honey is so saturated. I know right? amazing. On top of that, the crystals are edible! It was suggested to spread it over some toast or drop a couple crystals in my tea! How cool! Really!

I also read that honey doesn't spoil, but I think I already knew that from a Snapple bottle cap with a random fact. :)

Anyhow, to un-crystalize your honey, simply place the jar in warm water and stir. Or warm it up in the microwave and stir.

Just thought I'd share. :)

Progress... gradual progress...

2009-01-27T11:27:00.000-08:00

So this month is coming to an end, and thankfully I have been long awaiting for it to leave my memory. Nothing bad happened, I'm just eager and excited to begin my month... FEBRUARY! Yesss!

So... progress... I decided last year in December that in 2009 I'm gonna get back on my grind and work it out. Well, luckily my finances allowed me to sign up for a couple classes at RIMAC. Thank goodness I still work on campus. I was able to sign up for two classes and I figured, well, for three months, I believe I'll see SOME kind of result right?

Last week I went to the gym for my class that commenced at 6pm, however I always got there a little early... I usualle peered at the watch from my cube to see what time it was. Once it hit around 5:30ish I'd rush to get changed out of my work clothes into my workOUT clothes. Then I'd hit the cold San Diego air walking up a flight of stairs out of the library and up a hill that used to seem so treacherous back in my day (when I was a student worker 3 years ago) but was now merely a warm up for me before I got to my class. I arrived a good 15 minutes early so I decided to run downstairs to the locker room and weigh myself.

As I walked through two sets of double doors I remembered the old scalre. Electric. Just stand on it and a number would appear - one that caught me too emotional to look at times, however this time I was super eager to figure out how much I weighed. I had Danielle's scale at home, however her scale was slightly off, I didn't know for sure, but I always felt that it was, this time I needed a legit scale... so I went in and saw that the electric scale was gone. Dang it... that means I'd have to gradually push the weight bar across the scale, cringing at every pound that didn't equal out the scale. Well, it was now or never.

I saw a few girls that were withing eyesight of the total amount on the scale, so natrually, my embarrassed fat @$$ waited a while until they were dressed and walking towards the exit in super excited chatter and laughter -- skinny heffas... UGH. Anyhow, once the sauntered off into the abyss I found myself super anxious and frightened to step on the scale. But, I had to do it!

I stepped on the scale, the end of the bar flew to the top of the rectangular restraint that held it euqaled to the weight given. Obviously Dess, you don't weigh 0 pounds, so I tried hard not to be too offended with the scale. I began reminiscing the days in high school... when I used to weigh a buck fifty-five... oooh those were the days! I love'd 'em, good figure, slim physique, thick enough... even though now when I look at my old picture I'd NEVER go back to that weight because I looked so sickly skinny. I love the curves... ;)

Sorry... side tracked reminiscing, but back to the scale... So, according to my scale at home I thought I was a "certain weight" so I automatically put the scale to that weight... then... tears began to grow in my sockets. The right end of the weight bar was still to the top... NOOOOOO. I was WAY more than I had anticipated the scale to read! I bit my lip and held back the tears and disgust as I slowly inched the square on the left end of the bar to the right, with every pound needed to equal out to my actual weight. After 4lbs + my weight I THOUGHT I weighed, the bar barely had a bit of gravitational pull, and I just hopped off the scale.

I was mortified. Thank GOD I waited til those girls left, I began walking out of the bathroom and searched my purse for my phone to tell my bf the news. UGH. So disappointed.

Anyhow, since then, I lost at LEAST 4lbs. I don't recall if that's the correct amount, since I for sure didn't know my weight to begin with, I only know that now, my weight was 4lbs less than last week. Thank you Jesus. Progress.

I'm feeling better. thank the Lord. LoL. :D

yesss. progress. gradual progress.

A song for Gramma Diva

2009-01-22T15:30:00.000-08:00

When I listen to this song, I think of my Gramma and about the day she will pass because, I can be real with myself and know that she will leave this earth when God calls her...

As I sit here tearing up writing this blog and listening to Leni's beautiful voice, I think to myself... and I pray... Lord, PLEASE prepare my heart and soul for that day when my Diva gets promoted to heaven.

I love you Gramma.

She found my halo

2009-01-15T15:08:00.000-08:00

I love this song. It soothes me. Listen.

Halo - Beyonce

Work it OUTTTT

2009-01-15T14:25:00.000-08:00

I know, it's been a while, but I didn't forget. I've just been blogging elsewhere. :)

Today is the first week of my recreational classes, and my my... I got my butt kicked several times. Cardio BLT M/W and bootcamp intensive training every Tuesday.

The Cardio class would be aweome if my instructor had some rhythm. I mean, she does, but she always seems to be off beat? So, I and the rest of the girls end up looking super uncoordinated because we're stumbling over our own feet trying to keep on her tempo, when she's just not ON beat... does that make sense? Anyhow, I met a girl today that asked me if I was polynesian - go figure, what was it? My beautiful smile? My intense nappy hair in a messy up do, or my seemingly overweight figure? Or perhaps my bracelet? LoL. I said yes and smiled. She told me her boyfriend was Tongan, and like I know the Tongan community here, anywhere, or at all, I asked her "oh really? what's his name?" -- haha. She told me, and of course, since I'm super unknowledgeable about any Tongon community I just said "ohhh, that's nice. well! I'll see you wednesday!" hehe... which I did again. Except, I don't remember if that was her or not, because I don't quite remember what she looked like, or her name... or... anything else? LoL.

It was fun. But the bootcamp class was horror in the daytime.

First off, the class was in a gymnastics room... trampolenes, high bars, rings... all that good jazz you see on the Gymnastic Olympics... I thought to myself... ummm? This can't be that bad. THen the instructor told us to take our shoes off, and for sure I felt - Yeah, I think I can handle this class... we don't even need shoes!!!

WRONG. Ready for circuit training? Oh well if you're not!

Handstand up against the wall. I placed my palms on the floor in front of me and had to walk my heavy bottom portion of my body up to the top until i was doing a handstand. TERROR! Oh how awful I felt for my poor ankles for their pain of carrying my whole body weight was now inflicted upon my wrists!!! After that, they had us running to other circuits and holding for 30 seconds the first round, and a minute the next, then back to another 30 seconds. After we had other stations to do. After that work out we took a sip of water, and tried to rest, but no, we couldn't sit down, take a sip, force that cap on your bottle and back into your cubbie and you are back running to the other side of the gymnastics room.

Here we had to work calves, do mountaint climbs, pull ups on the ring, knee ups on the high bar, and jumps on the bean bag... intense workouts... oh not to mention wailing like a fish on your tummy for 20!!!

Today, I don't have class, but I'm gonna take myself down to the gym to read and ride the bicycle... yes, a good day it will be. :) HEHE.

So, here I am, eating my turkey avocado sandwich waiting for the clock to strike 430 and I'm outta here!!! :D

What a great first week of workouts, despite how much it brought to my attention of how terribly OUT OF SHAPE I am. :)

Superwoman's TO DO list.

2009-01-12T12:39:00.000-08:00

Superwoman is back.

- Rec Classes
- Join a Bible Study
- Lead a Bible Study - Y.E.S. GROUP!
- Volunteer at The Rock somehow (make Dario come too lol)
- Donate clothes and shoes to charity.
- Sing again, dang it.
- Learn new chords on the Uke and write another original song.
- Take a class or two at JC - just learn something new!
- Blog your life - you are losing your writing skills! Keep them fresh! /

*** con't ***

- Learn to play piano by ear, and sing at the same time. HAHA. Yeah, we'll see how this goes.

- Try a new restaurant. Indian, Japanese and Jamaican. Ooooh, and Phil's BBQ!

- Find a new substitute for chocolate - 'cause let's be real, that mess is JACKIN' up my FIGURE! hahaha. or what's LEFT of it. HAHA.

- Read my bible, in a year, and take notes.

- Listen for God.

- CUT MY HAIR.

- BUDGET!

- Take girls out just to hang out. At least once a month.

- DRESS UP FOR WORK - casual Fridays.

- Read a Book. - John Grisham's Innocent Man and the twilight series, I guess. haha.

- Take classes at a JC to get my mind thinking again. (Language, History and Computer classes)

- Road trip to Arizona.

- Go to Samoa (in the summer with my folks). God willing! LoL!

- Buy a new laptop.

- Cook 3-4 times a week. I must domesticate myself NOW or NEVER!!! haha.

- Make my own dish for Thanksgiving dinner with the fam.

- Buy everyone a Christmas gift at home.

Santa lives in San Diego

2009-01-07T16:31:00.000-08:00

Well, I figured that since this was the first year ever that I was able to do it (actually, it was 2008) I should really document the first time that I could. Since I graduated and was blessed with a very good salary paying job soon after, I was able to finance a real Christmas where I could buy everyone something to put under the tree! It was so much fun! Mom, Dad, Gramma, Aunty Tui, One, Zachery, Jonas, Clayton, Lani, Vai and Alofa... :) That's the list. Checked it twice. Couldn't really NOT buy a gift for anyone even if they were naughty or nice.

I color coordinated all of the gifts in gold (women), silver (men), red (little girls) and blue (One, my Secret Santa) gift bags... packed 'em up in the backseat of my car so as to not rip any of the bags (I mean, they were cheap WalMart giftbags) and was on my way.

Santa Claus is comin' to town!

This is a video of me in the spirit of giving.

To: You

Love: Me

Merry Christmas fam. :)

Faaaaaaat! The Get Right Program

2009-01-06T21:29:00.000-08:00

Let's just put it all out on Front Street shall we? I'm getting fat. HAHAHA. Perhaps I should technically, I'm getting FAT-TERRRR.

Although I would just LOVE to drown you, the reader, even if it happens to me (in the next minute, hour, lifetime) with my negative and pestering thoughts about my weight - which I will keep you guessing at *wink* - I'd much rather keep you at a drought of information for my sake, and yours. That way, nobody gets hurt. HAHAH.

After degressing again, upong the past 4 years of my life as being independent as I almost possibly could, I've begun to realize that wow, I'm not as invincible as I thought I was. Granted, I didn't REALLY think I was invincible, but I did think that I wouldn't blow up, and lo. and. be. hold. I. DID! Well, that's beyond the fact, I've tried the same ol' new years resolution every year, and nothing has really worked, why? I don't know, does that mean I completely lack committment? Becuase accroding to my degree, I didn't lack THAT much when it came to finishing school and it took 4 years, so why is it so hard to stay committed for a few months to lose a few pounds? Like, DAYYYUM. HAHA.

--------

con't...

Well, Estho came over after work, and after a refreshing chat with a friend of mine, I was on my way to the gym. The GET RIGHT program! lol. So yeah, with that being said, i think I burned only a total of 200 calories. WOW. That bout covers the mayonnaise that I put on my turkey sandwich, BUT, I felt better about myself this morning, so continuing at this rate is the dealio. :)

Fastly I went to sleep after a short but sweet conversation with my Love, and off I was to wash up and head to LalaLand in bed. Goodnight. ;)

The Closet to Sin City

2009-01-03T02:31:00.000-08:00

Work was slow this morning. UGH. But dah well, I left early because Nanny was at home and I needed to run a couple of errands before I left for Vegas. Yes, we were on our way to Vegas.

After ditching work a couple of hours early - hey, I took a half day ;) - I decided to run to the Closet to grab something to wear to Santos's 26th birthday party. He and his family booked a suite at the Caesar's Palace and apparently this mess is about to POP off, so the boys and I and a few other locals from my hometown decided to hope in the car and roll out. The Closet was one of the few spots I had entrusted to hold anything worthy of wearing out in Vegas. Super cheap clothes - and super cute. You just can't. go. wrong!

After that, Nanny and I grabbed a 5 dollar large sandwich at Quizzno's. They have amazing sammiches! Yes, Turkey roast with cheddar - delish.

I packed up my gear - packing light consisting of - 3 pairs of jeans, 4 tops, 3 undershirts, and 3 pairs of shoes for a one night stay in Vegas. Hey! I'm female! I HAVE TO PACK OPTIONS! LoL. In a world where women only exist, I will always be understood. Haha, so yeah, packed my stuff, threw it in the car and was on my way to pick up Deuce and Tas - and along came Nuch. :)

We met up with my bro's back at home - since it's on the way to Vegas. I had to stop in and say hello to Momz and Pops - MUST. I'm the only girls, so of course, I can't slip right through my hometown without saying hello - and of course, my Gramz. ;)

After hitting the road around 10pm, we FINALLY made it, clocking in around 2am. Yeeeeah, 4 hours of what usually takes about a good 2 hours. We got stuck in traffic for about an hour around 60 miles LEFT to vegas, and yeah. Bruisin' the road at a wicked 90mph, I had anticipated makin' it into Vegas by 12a still having enough time to gamble a couple dubs, but even now, I'm too tired after stretching my legs to exercise them towards a lucky machine.

For now, I am in this hotel room with 6 boys and 1 other girl, and we are all supposed to sleep soundly... we'll see how that goes. HAHA.

Anyhow, adieu... Goodnight Sin City - I'll see you in the afternoon, and will enjoy you tomorrow night. ;)

2008 at a glance

2009-01-02T11:14:00.000-08:00

So, I decided that to feel like I've actually closed the chapter on 2008, I must provide a run through of my year in a nutshell, just to prove why I am as sane/insane/optimistic/bratty/sensitive/etc as I am. It's funny, but Momz during testimony time at New Years service ran down the whole list of events from month to month, and what a beautiful thing it was to hear, as she stodd from the podium at the front of the church... haha. Really Mom? Wow! lol...

Here's the '08 recap.

Jaunary

- Trying to get right with God, joining my woman's group with 12 other strong sisters in Christ.

- Realizing that I'm failing miserable, but still holding on.

- Worrying about my life and what to do after graduation

- Had nervous breakdown a gajillion times still wondering about my life - which led me to make an appt with the Career Center to assess my life in college and figure out my options as a career

- Made a birthday video for my bookie boo which has unwantedly givin' everyone a peer into my love for a man that sings way better than me - but, for the sake of pity, everyone seems to think I have a pretty good voice. HAHA.

- Made 50 resumes to send out to the world for hire.

February

- I watched my nephew perform at the Coba Cabana in Long Beach to show him that I supported his music, and hoped that he continues keeping his good head on his shoulder.

- Visited my best in Fullerton for my to be 22nd birthday, and celebrated with her and some of her friends - how nice it was for them to all come and dine with a total and complete stranger - unless by the words of my best, they found me worthy of being dined with.

- Turned 22 finally and made every effort to celebrate it all month long, as I did - Long Beach on the 2nd, Love visited on the 16th (a great visit it was! got my first pair of Uggs that day, and a really warm RocaWear jacket), visited the best on the 23rd, Bj's and PB Bar and Grill on the 26th, and The Federation concert in my frontyard on the 28th.

- Had a few interviews for jobs through the Career Fair the month prior - but no real concrete interests

** One frkkn fantabulous month I must admit **

March

- Gramz 72nd birthday

- Now in the process of interviewing for random companies - Progressive Car Insuarnce, Enterprise (which was the leading interest at the time with great bonuses and easy advancement), Geico - every other possible non-science job since I was studying a very impractical subject that didn't really allow me much options as I was job hunting.

- Sent out several more resumes online through USAjobs.com and now going completely insane that I have NO GRASP on my life.

- SPRING BREAK! - Yeah, finally... wait what? I stayed in my dorms and worked. UGH. LoL.

- Made the last and final interview with Progressive and felt good about it - but rec'd a call from Ms. Riccobono saying that the interviewers felt I "didn't fit the company"... whatever the hell that means? No hard feelings. Moving on.

- Enterprise recruiter DeeDee was heavily recruiting me, but for some reason I wasn't so drawn to it... for some odd reason - even though it granted ample opportunity for me to join, be stable and comfortable for a few years, and accel at the experience of a Masters Degree without the IOU.

April

- Back on the grind to find a job because at this point, if I wasn't serious about finding a job, NOW WAS THE TIME - I would be graduating in less than three months and I had no leads

- Trying to finish up my last quarter at school super strong, since, let's face it, I wasn't too excited about my the two quarters prior to my last.

- Trying to make every outing with my ladies count. :) Still attending women's group regularly, being uplifted. :)

- Attended my Love's younger brother's bday party in West Minister - that was fun. :) Except, I met my Love's oldest sister, and he wasn't there. :( All goody.

May

- Time NOW pressing for me to figure out what I want to do with my life.

- Searching vigorously for some new outlet for me to express myself.

- Applying like hell for new jobs.

- Found a new interest in human resources and began doing heavy research on the career.

- Began looking for an internship that would grant me some kind of experience in the field.

- Got in touch with the marketing director at APU to help with my entrance to grad school - once I decided to do that... at some point in life. :)

- Went apt shopping and found a match, and am now a resident at the Venetian!

June

- ANXIOUSLY anticipating graduating on the 22nd.

- Going crazy trying to get my grades up and loc'ed out for my last quarter.

- Found 2 internships - wanted to do both

- In close contact with Heidi at APU for my application for the Human Resources program at APU

- Still going crazy bc I didn't have a stable job to keep me stable after college. GOING NUTS!

- Hard times in my relationship - going through MAJOR changes in life.

July

- Still working my student job, anxiously wondering what to do.

- Partying it up with my new neighbor and his friends like a maniac to make up for all the partying I DIDN'T do while I was in undergrad.

- Enjoying life outdoors, hiking with my summer crew, just relaxing in my new townhome with my roommates

- Going through more relationship drama... as usual... lol

- Partied it up with the Love's family for the 4th and made some new friends. :)

- Applied for the supervisor position at my current job - hoping to get it, even though I was running against other more experienced people.

August

- Still partying it up with my neighbor - hittin' up PB pretty much every Thursday *Thrusday Night Meetings*

- Hanging out and lounging about.

- Waking up late, gymin' it and going to work for the closing shift.

- Made it through 2 interviews for the supervisor position through the glory and grace of God. :)

- Offered the position as supervisor, accepted and decided to put off grad school - so I can pay off some debt!

- Received terrible news that my Grandmother from Pops side passed away.

September

- Shot up to the bay with the family to attend Gramma's funeral

- Made some seriously emotional connections to some of my family members.

- Started my new job - happy as ever!

- Had to hire new students to cover the desk becuase a couple resigned at the beginning of the school year.

- Hired a completely new staff for the service desk.

October

- Attended two of my Love's fball games in AZ. Super nice, and very refreshing visits.

- Still working and trying to save up for the Italy trip - but failing miserably.

- Gaining a lot of weight, and not caring.

- Created a new routine of waking up, going to work, coming home, and going to sleep.

- Wash, rinse, repeat.

November

- Trying to save for Italy.

- Flew to Vegas, then to New York, then to Italy as a graduation gift from my parents.

---Explored Venice, Vicenza, Milano and Innsburck, Austria,

---Had a beautiful Thanksgiving in Vicenza with the Riel Family

- Blessed as a daughter to a new pastor - Pops became a reverend on his trip to New Zealand for the big church gathering.

Decemeber

- Going crazy with my life being so controlled - Paid on the 1st, pay bills on the first, end up being broke on the 1st... okay, not really, but it seems that way.

- Last minute Christmas shopping for everyone in my family.

- Headed home on the 23rd to spend the holidays with my folks.

- Had a BEAUTIFUL Christmas with a full house of 13 people. Thank you Jesus!

- Ended the year the same way I began it - in chuuuu'ch! :D

It's a New Season

2009-01-01T23:59:00.000-08:00

It's a new season? :D

It's a new year, and today pretty much marked that.

So, last night I was graced with another service at the First Samoan Full Gospel Pentecostal Church to ring in the new year of 2009. Of course, the service commenced around 9pm, but actually, 9:28pm when I rolled in with the girls in my car. We're always late, and actually, that doesn't speak to well of my family seeing as Pops just became a pastor not too long ago. Very funny aint it? Well, with the New Season, hopefully things change, but in due time I believe it will. Anyhow, church began, the very solemn beginning of praise and worship songs rung throughout the cold walls of the church. It was an old building that our church had been renting for pretty much the past 10 years. We are a small church of about 45. I know, not your average great mass choired church with several pastors and a youth group you can actually call a group, just a few families all connected by blood at some point in our family bloodlines. Haha. Anyhow, the typical 2 hour testimony part of the service began - but of course. It's the last service of YEAR so everyone wants to share their two cents about their year and how they went. I did a little something with my little cousins - sang a beautiful song by Frontline Worship and also performed a dance to a song sung by Donnie McClurklin - I'm walking. The song, I felt, was sang beautiful, however, our dance suffered with no bass and a laptop that played the song with the accompany of a mic to amplify it's sound. Terrible. Never again will we do that again! We only did it because my Aunt Tee demanded that we gave the laptop a try in playing our song from the CD, since we didn't have enough time to search for the chord for the ipod player that had better sound. Ugh. But, we did it, we gave it our all, and regardless of the performance being terrible our off tune, I'm still glad we did it. All for the glory of God right?

As service left us with 23 minutes left until the year 2009, Pastor Emitt walked up to the podium to perform his sermon on what was to be a resounding teaching even to me now. Build. Behave. Belong -- Build up one another. Behave the way you would want others to behave. Belong to a church and make yourself PRESENT this year. He spoke very quickly as he tried very profusely to get out his message within the now, 17 minutes left of the service. We used to do countdowns, but this year, we kindly embraced the year of 2009, rather than anxiously anticipating it's arrival. After, we did the usual, ended the service with a prayer and a closing "amene" and quickly scurried to set up the chairs and the tables of hall to prepare for our midnight "snack" as many samoans would like to call it, consisting of: salsa and guacamole with flour tortilla chips, sweet and sour hotdogs, brownies, pumpkin pie, coconut rice, egg sandwiches, hot dogs with buns and other fattening foods you're not supposed to ring the new year in with. Yeah, tell me about it, and I'm expecting to lose weight this year. SHEESH!

Anyhow, Cole, my oldest brother, summoned me to the kitchen of the church to scuff under his breath a mission for me to run to the grocery store to purchase as much alcohol as I could with $49. I laughed, and didn't really want to do it, but he asked nicely, and although I'd rather have been a pain and a brat and say no, I said I'd do it. Meanwhile my mother was yelling for me to grab my Gramz to take her home. Gramz was a lovely 72 year old woman, still kind in spirit. A victim of type 2 diabetes and also a victim of this family she was now residing with (mine - haha). Even though I loved to see her smile, she was kept to a strict diet, of which didn't make her smile all the time. Early that morning she reached across the table for the tin can that held holiday cookies and helped herself to 3 cookies. I grabbed them from her and said "sasa!" She knew that meant to stay away, but of course, she's 72 and could care less about her health, she just wants to die happy, and literally, for a great cook that she was, could I really keep her from salt, and sugar and seasoning from her food any longer? For her health, I wanted to so badly, but for the richness of her life left here on earth, I almost felt bad for her and gave it to her anyway. Anyhow, it was waaaay past her bedtime and I decided that I would carry out my mothers wishes to take her home and on the way back to the church to help clean, as I halfly anticipated, I would stop by the grocery store to buy the liquor. Needless to say, on New Years eve, in a very small deserted town, all the stores closed 2 hours ago (as it was now almost 1:30a) and the liquor sale time ended at 2am. Poor Cole, sorry dude! :)

I ended up coming home, half having a headache from JunJun telling me that the girls and I were so off key when singing our piece during testimony time. Haha, he was just a hater - he told me I couldn't sing and that he himself could sing better. Personally, I don't agree, but one day if you ever get the chance to judge between the two, I'm sure you'd agree with me over him. :) We got home, and lounged about. Nothing new - we did this EVERYTIME we came home after New Years service. I played Taboo the incorrect way with the girls, Ioli andNanny and my brother Taggo. Taggo is a funny character, my younger brother of 2 years, and he has a very humorous spirit. I have to admit, he is quite the character on the daily basis - even that day and every day before since he entered the city of Baker a couple of days ago he kept insisting on everyone calling him "Daddy" as if he could even take care of a household with that title -- cough, which he CAN'T. LoL. Anyhow, after a good 45 mins of the game, all of our eyelids fell heavily under the sleep dust of the new year and went to bed.

I slept next to Gramz, as always. She never liked it when I slept in the living room, which occasionally, I did. If I ever did she would tell me that she hated me, not that she really did, but every time I'm home, she makes room left for me to sleep there, and I usually just hop into bed once I get home, and snuggle under the covers right next to her, and fall into a deep sleep. So, that night I did. I had sent my last text message to Dougie, my handsome honey. Hehe. He had called me at 12:08am of that day just to make himself the first person I talked to that year, and he was. :) He's so sweet and sentimental like that at times. LoL. Anyhow, after that, my lids fell and off I was to lala land. :)

I woke up later that morning when Pops came to wake me to let me know he had finished the BBQ - he had hoped that I stayed to at least eat with the family before I came back to Drake Town - where I now reside after graduating from Drake University. I woke up, had a hotdog, two ribs, a slice of boneless chicken and a small serving of rice - trying to get right in the new year! LoL. The BBQ was the same recipe Pops uses EVERY time he BBQ's - nothing fantastic, but nothing terrible, just the usual. The whole family had awaken by then and soon we were all crowding the table that only sat 8 people - when there were actually 13 people trying to eat at the time. LoL. That was our usual routine. Grab a plate, sit down and eat. Get up promptly after you are done to make room for someone else who's ready to sit down and eat. It was quite crowded in the house by this time, but we'll get to that later.

As the sun began to set from noon, the boys decided to get into a basketball tournament with the other boys in the town. They had been playing every days since Saturday! Today is Thursday (or well, now Friday) and they couldn't get enough playing basketball. It was super cold out at the park, but it wasn't cold enough to keep the boys in. Oh no, they had skin made of suede, and they were almost NEVER effected by a temperature below 70 degrees. Dah well, let them do what they do. :) I took the little girls, Nanny, Violet and Love with me to the park in support of the boys. Apparently there was a big tournament of the families going on at the park and they needed our moral support - as if they were some great basketball team to begin with - but we decided to all go. I demanded the girls to bundle up - couldn't have any of them getting sick on my watch, and they all obeyed as directed, which isn't surprising, they're pretty good at listening to their older cousin. :)

We drove up to the park and saw a few of the boys shooting hoops into a rugged old net. The court was an average sized court, on the corner of Rocky Rd and Aytch St. The court sat right next to a huge water tank sitting probably 100 feet high into the air. I don't really know why it was there, perhaps because we were in the desert, and in case of a drastic drought that dried up the land, we'd have the tank to spill over and resuscitate the land. LoL. So we drove up, and there were only a few boys there thus I decided to take the girls to go and help me clean my car. I didn't really want to wash the car on the outside, since it always gets dirty and cleaned again by the unpredictable Drake weather, but I ended up washing it anyway. I stopped by the local grocery store to pull some money out of my Wilshire account at the atm machine (since there was no Wilshire bank in my home city - talk about being a super small town), and I drove the girls off to the hand car wash. It didn't take long for me to wash the car, my hands began aching after holding the trigger for so long to wash, rinse and wax the car. After, Nanny and I doubled up on the vacuum cleaning for the car, and got twice the work done in 4 and a half minutes while Violet and Love sat there watching. LoL. I took them out for some McDonald's as a treat for helping me to clean the car. I ordered the usual McD snack - chocolate shake and small fries, Nanny had the same, and Violet and Love had an Oreo McFlurry - they're favorite.

After pulling out of the McD drive through we shot straight back to the park to watch what was left of the game. We walked in as the Tofee were playing against Lofts. The girls and I finished our snacks in the car - it was only proper to finish it in the car to not take it out of the car since we didn't have enough to share with everyone! :) After doing so, we all walked out of my 4 door Camry onto the blacktop. We all found a little niche on the blacktop to sit and crouch together for body heat. After a good 45 minutes, Violet and Love had to use the restroom, and I absolutely refused to let them use the restroom at the park. EWW! GERMS! They decided to hold their horses as I took them all back home.

At this point, I had already decided with Nanny that she would accompany back home to Drake tonight. Before we headed back home, we took her to her house for her to grab some clothes while I snuck one of her mother’s coconut scronies. Sooo delicious! I asked her for another. Warmed it up for 15 seconds, and I was took a bite into heaven. :) Bliss. After a few mins of being at her house, we took the girls home for me to gather all of my belongings to head out back to Drake. As we walked into the house, Momz asked where the boys were - I didn't know, and she asked "why?! weren't you with them?" - well yes of course mother, I was with them, but we left the park early, so at this very second, I had no idea where they were. Not too long after the girls and I arrived, here popped into the door was Taggo proclaiming that "Daddy was home" after he barged into the door. It was hilarious; he STILL insisted that everyone called him Daddy - what a Loser. LoL.

Pops came to the living room and now decided to do prayer - the pastor of the house would now hold daily prayer meetings with the family. Gordo played the piano, so beautifully. He was my cousin - Vi and Love's older brother. More to come on him later - anyhow, every time we do prayer, we open with a song. Violet opened with a very simple and classic song - Bless the Lord. She did so beautifully, opened on key which made for a beautiful worship song to open prayer. After Pops was done with prayer, Vi and Love opened on an off key... meanwhile Gordo was trying bring them back to the right key by emphasizing on the piano which key to sing, however, the connections were not being made so we had a very distasteful closing - but, it's alright... it happens. I simply told Gordo, that if the girls opened the song on a different key than he is playing, to simply not play the piano - thus, they wouldn't sound so off key. He agreed. and That was that.

I gathered all of my belongings and put them into the car. I had one last plate of Pops's BBQ before I hit the road back to Drake with Nanny, and bam, we were out the door and on our way to the gas station. Gas was now cheaper - $1.91. About a month and a half ago it was about $3.00 and about 4 months ago, it was near $5.00. Yeah, I was now able to afford putting in my own gas, as opposed to Momz and Pops giving me their Visa to fill up my tank - or better yet, having them both go together in my car to fill up the tank. :) They really love me, I HAVE to admit. :)

It was routine for me by now, before hitting the 51 freeway I absolutely had to make a stop at Starbucks to order my Chai Tea Latte with soy milk and caramel sauce. Nanny ordered a caramel frapaccino (which I didn't really understand, seeing as it was a cold drink, and it was nearly 65 degrees outside - but then again, I DID have a chocolate milkshake not too long ago -- so, my bad, it wasn't as ridiculous as I thought. lol) - anyway, I paid for our drinks with a 20 dollar bill, grabbed our drinks and we were on our way back to Drake.

The ride took all of about 1 hour and 50 minutes. What pissed me off the most was that along me talking to Nanny, I took a sip of my what was supposed to be Chai Tea Latte with soy milk and caramel sauce and it tasted like disgusting coffee with condensed milk! TOTALLY AND UTTERLY DISTURBED that my drink was not made accordingly, I complained about it for a few seconds to Nanny - and was on my merry way. Haha.

Finally, we arrived to my humble abode in Drake. I introduced Nanny to my roommate Michelle, as she sat curled up on the couch watching TV. After a brief introduction, I dragged all of my belongings upstairs, and sat in bed.

Now I am here, blogging on my day. I just texted Dougie again after telling him to stop picking on Mark, bc he is super sensitive and hyper active - but of course, Dougie ignores me. LoL. And persists. :)

-------------------------------------------------

So here I am now, bloggin, at the beginning of the year. I love writing, and since I've been out of college, I haven't been able to write like I used to. Now is the time to do so, it IS a new season, and I am hoping blog at the end of each day. I need to be more active with my life. :) And I hope to do so this way.

** I am really thankful that God gave me the opportunity to get to know Nanny a little bit more. I pretty much shared with her he last two years of my life in about an hour, and now she knows a lot more about me than she thought she did. :)

Thank you Lord for you guidance over me today and for taking me home safely. :) I love you Lord, and I am hoping for change. Help me to edify myself, help me stay encouraged, and help me to empower those around me. :) Thank you Lord.

In Jesus name,

Amen.

Miss 957

Fw:

Good days and great days

Dessarinas 2011 Goals

Nov. 20. 2009

EJECT - (Original)

____ season is in progress...

The Power of a Woman...

Goal Check

Rugbizzle

Gallaghers w/the Girls

Wear white... to a wedding

Domesticated Diva

Slowly

Diva at the Beach

Something old...

June already?

He loves me...

I am a diamond

Written 12.8.06 - Untitled and unfinished

Written 4.4.07 - Untitled

*applause*

DELETE.

Lessons of the healing woman 5

LESSON #3 OF THE HEALING WOMAN (and MAN) >> Ladies and Gents -- The right person at the wrong time is STILL the wrong person.... Be patient, if it's meant to be, it will be, aint no fightin' fate!

Lessons of the healing woman 4

Lessons of the healing woman 3

Lessons of the healing woman 2

Ahhh patience is the companion of wisdom! LESSON #2 OF THE HEALING WOMAN - A woman should never force fate. Patience allows her to grow faithfully and gracefully, gaining wisdom and insight of what is to come, in timing that is not hers, but His. YAWWWWP!

Lessons of the healing woman 1

I hate you.

Lately...

Losing someone

So, this is what I realized

IMG00037-20100204-0836.jpg

formspring.me

2009 at a glance

2010 goals

SMDH

Grade: 65% = D (smh)

Thoughts for the day

9 things - 1o1 with Bryan

What you see is what you get

A Thankful Thanksgiving

#truthis

WTH - It's November

Dear Reader

safety ropes

Journey Forward - wait, REWIND

WARNING: Vulgar language

More of the like - Dboy/Dgirl business

Dboy/Dgirl buisness

LIES and LIARS - please read

Satan is SOOO persistent.

Pregnancy

A woman should have

El Torito Goodbyes - Aaron Olsen

To kill or not to kill

My Twin Soul

Sex. Cheating. Men. God.

KICK(my@$$)BOXING class yay!

Unfinished

Woe is me?

Frustrated On-Looker

Act Like a LADY... Think like a man. ;-)

3 Ps

Odd. Strange. Peculiar.

Demetrius Samu Panapa

Phil's BBQ? check

Aima Irene Amituanai

Still awake. Why? :-D

Yackity YACK. Don't come back, CAP'N!

25 Random Facts. :)

Honey crystals.

Progress... gradual progress...

A song for Gramma Diva

She found my halo

Work it OUTTTT

Superwoman's TO DO list.

Santa lives in San Diego

applause